Get Lost Asia - get lost Magazine - Page 44

Hump Days

The figure making his way towards us gradually comes into view, and our guides announce ‘the butcher’ has arrived. He’s wearing a blue kurta with white ali babas (light cotton pants). Then I notice something black attached to the back of his camel and it appears to be moving. Instantly the knot in my belly tightens.

“I can’t believe they’re actually going to do this,” I whisper to my friend Charlie as we watch the butcher sharpen his knife with the precision of a surgeon. His focus is intense; his technique almost hypnotic. There’s no doubt he’s done this before.

I had no intention of having goat on my plate on Christmas Eve, certainly not out here in the remote dunes on the outer edges of the Thar Desert in Rajasthan. Our guides, however, had promised us something special for this magical night under the stars, and it seems rude to plea for the poor creature’s life. After all, we’re guests and this is how our hosts show their hospitality.

“Come on,” urges Charlie, presumably noticing the look of apprehension on my face. “It’s Christmas Eve. Let’s celebrate in style!” Then he smirks: “Where’s your Christmas spirit?”

Back in the mind of my 10-year-old self who tried to stay awake to catch Santa in the act, I want to say. But I don’t. Truth be told, I admire his enthusiasm. We’ve already spent two days riding camels through the desert, and we could use a little excitement – and some meat. Turns out goat makes an excellent turkey substitute, especially when surrounded by good company and the glow of a campfire under a starry sky.

Notorious for crowded trains and chaotic roads, India may not be the first place you’d think to explore by camel. But the 200,000-square-kilometre Thar Desert provides ample opportunity to do just that.

I’d arrived in Jaisalmer with three friends to embark on an epic five-day camel safari through the Great Indian Desert. Home to 80,000 inhabitants and located 575 kilometres west of Jaipur, the state capital of Rajasthan, Jaisalmer is a desert city protected by an impressive World Heritage-listed fort built on a sandstone ridge that dominates the surrounding desert. Looking very much like a sandcastle rising majestically above the flat sandy expanse, this desert citadel, guarding an impressive palace complex containing several ornate rooms, buildings and Jain temples, harks back to the days of the Rajput warrior clans.

Inside the fort’s sandstone walls, there’s a labyrinth of lively small streets populated by smiling merchants peddling spices, wooden idols, books and all sorts of exotic handicrafts. Flanking these lanes are magnificent havelis (private mansions) decorated with intricate latticework and floral designs, carved from wood and stone and dating back at least 500 years.

Walking through the narrow winding lanes up to the palace complex, I stumble upon handprints etched into the sandstone. They tell the story of the fort’s rather macabre past as the site of countless jauhar (mass suicides) throughout the Islamic invasion of India in the Middle Ages. The women and children self-immolated within these walls in accordance with this ancient Rajput tradition in a bid to avoid capture, enslavement and dishonour.

Entering a small chai shop, I’m greeted by a cheerful shopkeeper who gives me a brief lesson on the strategic importance of the city in centuries past. As a stopping point for camel caravans along a traditional overland trade route that linked India with Europe, the Middle East and Central Asia, Jaisalmer grew in wealth and was fiercely protected by clans of Rajput warriors who wielded gilt-edged swords and claimed descent from Hindu deities.

We poke fun at each other’s turbans before returning to our own little worlds as we watch the burning red sun slowly sink below the horizon. There really isn’t too much to say out in the desert.

Upon waking the next day, I have the faintest recollection of a dream. I remember walking through sand dunes and stumbling upon an old man charming his cobra. He was wearing a red turban and, with his wrinkled, sun-baked skin, looked about a hundred years old. As he played his flute, the charcoal-coloured snake gently swayed from side to side. I tried to speak to the man, but he was in a trance. I edged closer, trying to get him to notice me. Suddenly the cobra turned around and latched onto my arm – and that’s where the dream ended. Lying in bed in the early morning light, I see my friends already stuffing their backpacks. I can’t help but feel a little anxious.

We’ve been told temperatures will fall below zero come nightfall out in the land of shifting sand dunes, broken rocks and scrub. We were also warned that there would be no chance of a shower, no electricity and minimal food and water over the course of the five days.

This matters very little – at least to me. What a way to spend Christmas, I tell myself over and over again as we leave our guesthouse early in the back of an old Mahindra jeep, driven by a burly Brahmin who, with a big white beard, is reminiscent of Mr Claus. Just like those wise men 2000 years ago who were led by a luminous, twinkling star in the deserts of the Middle East, we are being led by the promise of adventure, hardship and a once in a lifetime experience. It’s been a long time since I was this excited about the festive season.

Cruising out of town, we pass crumbling buildings, groups of locals and the occasional cow. Some 40 kilometres shy of the India–Pakistan border the jeep begins to slow then veers off to the side of the road onto loose gravel. “There are your camels,” says the driver, pointing to a colourful caravan on the horizon.

We disembark, collect our bags and stare into the distance, waiting for our rides to arrive. The Indian sun blazes above us in the clear blue sky, yet it’s quite cold – about 10ºC or so.

Waiting for our adventure to begin, I take a moment to breathe and absorb my alien surrounds. The epic panorama of this arid, dusty landscape envelops us. There is yellow and rust-red sand, rocks large and small, and khaki-coloured foliage strewn across the land as far as the eye can see. At the horizon these colours merge with soft, light blues, gradually morphing into deeper hues the higher into the sky you stare.

In the distance windmills dot the expanse, and there’s a lonely settlement of cream-coloured, single-storey buildings. People carrying on a traditional desert life populate these local villages.

Our camels arrive and, after a quick introduction and a delicious lunch of roti and vegetable curry cooked on an open fire, we’re ready to begin. Slow off the mark, I’m relegated the group’s most senior camel – a droopy-eyed old-timer with a fat lip and foam dribbling from its mouth. “This one, he got in a fight,” Salim tells me, noticing my dubious expression. Salim is 28 and the older of our two guides. “But, he’s okay now,” he continues. “It’s a good camel, strong camel. Good for you.” I’m not so sure, but before I have a moment to hesitate, Salim instructs me to straddle the beast and I’m up. I glance over at my friends – each is wearing a smile as wide as the surrounding desert.

A mere 15 minutes into the safari, we yearn for independence and convince the guides to let us go it alone. They hand us the reins and teach us basic camel talk: je-je will get the camel to sit down; a tongue click makes it stand back up; hut-un means to speed up.

Three painful hours later – most of that time spent trying desperately to distract myself from the searing pain radiating from my upper thighs and groin – the mood lightens as we pull into our first camp. It’s a level area with a wooden hut and makeshift fire pit, flanked on all sides by golden dunes. With a je-je I disembark and the circulation begins to return to my battered and bruised thighs.

As we traverse the barren plains, we make occasional stops to water the camels and feast on delectable curry while our guides belt out soulful Rajasthani folk songs.

With almost the same spirit of delight found in children having finally arrived at the playground after an arduous journey, we run up the shifting dunes and spend the next half-hour sipping hot chai in the warm sand. We poke fun at each other’s turbans before returning to our own little worlds as we watch the burning red sun slowly sink below the horizon. There really isn’t too much to say out in the desert.

After a brief meditation, we return to camp and spend the next hour collecting firewood. Around the flames after dinner, discussion somehow turns to the subject of dreams and I recount my ominous vision of a cobra encounter. “You are a very lucky boy,” Salim tells me. In Indian mythology a bite from a snake foretells a gain in fortune. I don’t know what to think. With our stomachs full and bodies tired, we hit the hay under two thick blankets and a twinkling sky.

During the next four days the many moods of India’s Great Desert are revealed. We explore isolated local desert villages full of enterprising kids keen on making a handful of rupees in exchange for photo rights, and young women swathed in intricately patterned saris adorned with sequins and beads. Their eyes sparkle just like their jewellery in the midday sun.

Each day bleeds into the next. As we traverse the barren plains, we make occasional stops to water the camels and feast on delectable curry while our guides belt out soulful Rajasthani folk songs. Our legs enjoy each short respite, and we’re often left smiling by a gaggle of local villagers before slowly riding into the desert to face the elements once more.

I awake on the final day to the sound of fighter jets passing overhead, a reminder of the nearby Indian Air Force base and the fact that civilisation is close again. We pack our things, fix our turbans and straddle our camels for one final day.

The rising sun burns off the morning mist as we make our way back to the main road. I’m happy riding at the back of the group, enjoying the view of my friends and their camels in front of me and the passing scenery of rippling sand dunes.

Suddenly there is commotion up ahead. Perhaps growing impatient at his foreign subjugation, Charlie’s camel revolts and, in a frantic display, bucks him to the ground, launching dust and sand in the air. Almost like a superhero, Salim leaps from his camel several feet away and grabs the reins, subduing Charlie’s rebellious mount in a matter of seconds. It’s like a scene from a Bollywood action movie. As the dust clears, Charlie gets up, giddy and confused.

It’s scary yet exhilarating knowing your life and limb are at the mercy of an unpredictable animal that, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, you really can’t control. Charlie was lucky to have survived unscathed. I wonder whether he too dreamed of a biting cobra.

Elephant Hills

Set up shop in the wilds of the southern Thai jungle as you visit Elephant Hills. Start at the main camp, staying in one of 30 luxury tents boasting bathrooms, electricity (renewable, of course) and ceiling fans. Here, guests feed elephants, watch them bathe and learn about conservation and why rides are a no-go.


Once you’re ready to say goodbye to wi-fi, board a long-tail boat and sail deep into the tropical forest. Disembark at the Rainforest Camp where 10 tents bob over Cheow Larn Lake. From your terrace, slide into the water for a swim or lounge back and scour the canopy for snakes and gibbons.

During the day, learn to cook traditional Thai cuisine, meet elephants, go canoeing and spot wildlife on a jungle trek.

Royal Trisara Six-hand Massage

If one set of hands sliding over your oiled torso just doesn’t cut it, and an hour-long massage leaves you whimpering for more, check in for a session at Phuket’s Trisara Resort. You’re in for three masseuses, six hands and 90 minutes of bliss.

And if trekking to their open-air cabana is too much trouble, enjoy the Royal Trisara massage in a treatment room tucked inside your villa. Slathering you in lemongrass essential oil with a pinch of organic sea salt, the therapists start with your feet and shoulders, before pummelling every last knot of tension from your body.

Between hot herbal compresses and acupressure delivered by six Thai elbows, the hands sail across your skin in sync for the ultimate relaxation experience. To finish, they drizzle you with warm coconut oil before leaving you to float off to your private infinity pool with sweeping views of the Andaman Sea.

Get Blessed Tatts

If your average tatt isn’t tough enough, wear your ego on your sleeve with a Sak Yant (traditional tattoo) from Thailand’s Wat Bang Phra temple. Bestowed by monks wielding 18-inch needles, these lucky charms are said to be strong enough to stop bullets, and come with some serious body art cred. Enter the temple and deposit your offering of flowers and cigarettes onto the pile and take a quick look at the banner on the temple wall, displaying a selection of animal designs, complete with embellished whorls for added pain. Choose your favourite beast or let an assigned monk brand you as he sees fit.

Before you’re poked and prodded, custom requires you to step into the role of assistant – a practice dividing the proud from the petrified. Clamp still the poor sap before you, so they can’t squirm as the double-pronged instrument plunders their skin. Each tattoo requires at least 3,000 jabs before the template gives way to a final bloody welt, giving you plenty of time to reassess your vanity. Once your buddy’s stamp is blessed, present your flesh and set your face to stoic. As the monk swills his used needle in a pot of alcohol, you better hope your new stamp protects you against more than just evil spirits.

A night out with the ladyboys of Calypso Cabaret Bangkok

A visit to Bangkok without seeing ladyboys is like a game of Uno without wildcards, but it doesn’t have to involve supporting the country’s sex industry. Calypso’s good, cleanish fun cabaret can be found in the south of the city. Bangkok’s evening traffic is at its gridlocked peak between 5pm and 7pm and takes a while to subside, so avoid the roads and travel by skytrain and then free water shuttle down the Chao Phraya River. Within a sea of tourists you’ll be shown to your comfy red seat in the pseudo-swanky theatre and given a free drink.

The show is cheesy, charming and fun, with everyone from a comic Carman Miranda to an absurdly luscious Marilyn Monroe. The stage is swimming with fishnets for ‘All That Jazz,’ while ‘Blossom’s Blues’ is performed solo with nipples- popping-from-bustier gusto. Book ahead to save any unnecessary hanging around in the touristy wastelands of Riverside.

The Secret Yala

Better known for its wildlife encounters than sandy shores, the teardrop-shaped island of Sri Lanka possesses some of the world’s most beautiful beaches. Tucked between jungle and a gorgeous beach on the southeast coast of the island, this ‘glampsite’ showcases the best of both attractions with plenty of luxurious trimmings to keep campers happy.


Hang around home base with your own Belvedere answering your every demand, or lie back in a private beach hut and take in sweeping views of the Indian Ocean. If booking a personal butler feels a little too posh, pull on your khakis, grab your binoculars (they’re supplied in each tent) and hit the jungle with the on-call zoologist.

During the day spot elephants, leopards and crocs on a safari through Yala National Park or go bird-watching at the Bundala Bird Sanctuary. For spiritual exploration, soak up heady incense at the Kataragama Temple and nearby shrines, or get a taste of local life in Kirinda, a fishing village.

Hang out with 400 wild elephants

The elephants came in two by two. Hurrah! Hurrah! Then a few more turned up and, in fact, many, many more wandered along as well. If you want to see pachyderms en masse there is one journey you have to take: a trip to the annual elephant gathering at Minneriya National Park. During Sri Lanka’s dry season (around October), the water levels of a centuries-old reservoir in the park, located in the country’s North Central Province, start to drop, resulting in the sprouting of luscious, green grasses.

Attracted by both the water and easily accessible food, the park’s elephants – sometimes up to 400 at a time – come here to bathe, eat and hang out with their thick-skinned friends. Visitors travel in open-top jeeps to see a most stunning sight – the largest congregation of wild elephants anywhere in the world.

Wanderlust Hotel

In the cultural hodgepodge of Singapore’s Little India district, this kooky boutique gem is the flashiest kid on the block. Four design studios were each given a level of an old 1920s school building to let their imaginations run wild, and the result is a spectacular testament to imagination.

Check into one of the unique themed rooms and marvel at the whimsical fantasy land they’ve created. From the disco-style jacuzzi to the foosball table in the bar and the shopping trolley chair in the lounge, Wanderlust is cheeky and vibrant down to the funkiest detail.

Playtime at Singapore’s Changi Airport

Embark on an adrenaline rush that’s guaranteed to remove the cobwebs from your eyes as you tear down Changi Airport’s four-storey (12-metre) high indoor slide. Next, enjoy being among wings of an altogether different kind as you step into the enchanting butterfly garden. The lush greenery of this tropical oasis – complete with 6-metre waterfall and 47 species of native butterflies – will reinvigorate the senses.

If you don’t like fluttering critters on your face, head to the open-air rooftop cactus and sunflower gardens, or explore one of two landscaped ponds. Leave yourself just enough time to frolic in the Balinese-themed swimming pool and Jacuzzi. Pool access costs about US$8, but the energising effect of water on your dehydrated skin is priceless.

Chopper to Base Camp

Everest Base camp – it’s on every traveller’s bucket list, but why put your lazy arse through a gruelling, multi-day trek at high altitude when you can take a shortcut to glory? Soar above jutting peaks and mountains thick with snow as you whirl to the pinnacle of trekking triumph, without even getting your shoes dirty. Designed for the time poor and, let’s face it, the instant-gratification-seeking idle tourist, this 4.5-hour trip costs a cool US$10,000.

Clamber aboard at Kathmandu and swoop through the Himalayas, before diving into the Hotel Everest View for a dandy spot of tea and a pat on the back for dealing so well with altitude. Add a whiff of culture and hover above Sherpa villages and monasteries dotting the Solukhumbu region, or fly direct to your main destination. Touch down at Base Camp to snap a few obligatory pics and scoot back to Kathmandu to upload them over lunch. Everest Base Camp – check.

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