Get Lost

Life at Full Throttle

Traversing the world and riding roller-coasters with the aim of finding the ultimate thrill seems like one of those jobs that’s a bit unreal – in the same category as astronaut, trampoline tester or ice-cream auditor. In other words, Brady MacDonald has landed a fairytale job most can only dream of.

Yes, for work, he gets to travel and research theme parks, ride on roller-coasters and write about them for his Los Angeles Times blog, Funland. MacDonald, it seems, is a man on the scent of permanent fun – if there are any changes, innovations or upcoming spectacles in the theme park world, he knows about them.

MacDonald’s dedication to scouting out pleasure is impressive to say the least. During one 10-day family holiday to Ohio, Pennsylvania and New Jersey, he, his wife Nancy and daughter Hannah visited 10 theme parks and rode 100 roller-coasters. While it sounds like the holiday to end all holidays, he admits it was an exhausting venture, especially considering the family’s roller-coaster road trip coincided within a 40°C heatwave. “I have a very wonderful family who was willing to do that,” he concedes.

Where it all started: the Grizzly at Kings Dominion in Virginia.
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The road MacDonald has travelled to becoming a theme park guru is unexpected to say the least. Not aspiring to be a roller-coaster expert, he first studied English and journalism at the Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. Drawn to the allure of the printed word, he began working for the college newspaper and was hooked. Lurking underneath, however, lay a desire to become a good old-fashioned rock star.

Caught up in the hey-day of 80s glam metal, once he had finished studying he ventured from Richmond to Los Angeles in 1989 to pursue his dream.

When becoming a rock star didn’t quite go to plan – “it requires an all or nothing dedication that I lacked as a gainfully employable college graduate” – MacDonald fell back on journalism and landed a job with the Los Angeles Times.

The idea for Funland came 10 years later when his editors were scouting for new blog themes. MacDonald pitched multiple ideas, all of which were met with rejection. In a last-ditch attempt, he came up with two more ideas. One focussed on beer, the other was a blog about theme parks.

The editors passed on the beer blog for the sound, yet disappointing reasoning that the Los Angeles Times wasn’t going to pay a man to drink cold beverages. Somewhat surprisingly, perhaps, his suggestion to write about rides got the nod, and now MacDonald is a leading authority on white-knuckle thrills.

It’s an enviable position. “Every time I write a story, I get to take a little virtual mental vacation to whatever park or whatever ride I’m writing about and imagine that one day I’ll get to ride on it or visit the park,” Brady explains. You see, although he gets to journey to a lot of different places, sometimes stories about upcoming openings or trends in the industry are researched and interviews conducted while sitting at a desk. But even when working in the office the fun for MacDonald doesn’t evaporate – it merely changes. When he’s reading or writing about a thrilling ride, he gets to do something most of us would envy – he revisits the childlike energy adventure parks draw out of us.

Brady’s flirtation with roller-coastering began as a teenager at Kings Dominion, an amusement park in Doswell, Virginia, with its Grizzly wooden roller-coaster. Back then, going to theme parks was an excuse to be with his friends. “Now that I’m older I hate waiting in lines at theme parks,” he says, “but back then it was fun because you got to hang out and chat with your friends all day.”

Most of MacDonald’s work is located in the States – there are 852 roller-coasters plummeting around the country – although he has ventured to Spain and France on the hunt for a thrill ride. In his career, he estimates he’s strapped himself in to somewhere between 500 and 1000 rides. Out of those, he pinpoints two as the finest the roller-coaster world has to offer: Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts and Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, both located at Universal Orlando’s Islands of Adventure. Like Universal Studios’ offering, the best amusement parks are the ones with a theme, MacDonald explains. Places like Hersheypark, Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom and Knott’s Berry Farm, which has five themed areas, are perfect examples of this.

In the future, Brady and Nancy, a restaurant reporter for the Orange County Register, want to combine their talents to create the ultimate travel career. Their writing skills and experience in tourism and hospitality will, hopefully, allow them to journey to amusement parks and restaurants around the world and create a leading family travel blog.

Although it’s on his list, MacDonald is yet to visit Australia. “Hopefully one day we can go to Australia and hit up a few of the parks out there,” he says. But with only 28 roller-coasters on offer, we may have to lift our fun park game.

Ethiopia’s Lalibela

Now I feel that I should warn you in advance: this story is going to be about Christianity & history. If you want to turn the page now, then please do – I won’t be insulted. After all before I went to Ethiopia I probably would have done the same damn thing.

But then, before I went to Ethiopia I had the same jaded view of the place that most people do. Band Aid might have saved a lot of lives a bunch of years ago, but it has really coloured the perceptions of a whole civilisation.

“Feeeed the world – do they know its Christmas time” Well yes, actually they bloody do. The Ethiopian royal family traced their lineage back to a liaison between the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon. Hailie Selassie – the last Emperor and revered by Rastafarians – was believed to be 155 in line from this regal meeting. The first in line was credited in some quarters as bringing back the Ark of the Covenant from the Holy Land, to Axum in the north of the country. Ethiopia itself adopted Christianity in the fourth century AD (as opposed to having it foisted upon them by missionaries during the colonial scramble for Africa in the Victorian era). So, yes, I think that you could safely say that they do know its Christmas, and they probably care far more than most of the rest of us.

And there IS snow in Africa, and not just on the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro. It gets bloody cold up in the highlands of Ethiopia as I can well vouch for. I am freezing.

Lalibela, an ancient land where time stands still but still brims with the rites and awe of Christianity.
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Don't expect gift shops, souvenir touts, or staged cultural shows in Lalibela, do expect to see churches that sit alongside an ancient, fascinating and untainted culture.
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I am at Lalibela in the bleak north of the country. If any place sums up the multifaceted character of Ethiopia, it is Lalibela. A UNESCO world heritage site on a remote plateau, surrounded by some of the poorest people you will ever meet – eking out a tenuous existence in some of the most remote and unfertile areas on the planet, many of them being supported by UN feeding programmes.

There are 11 stone carved churches here at Lalibela, dating back to the reign of King Lalibela over 800 years ago. Four are free standing, the rest are cave-style – carved into rock faces. Ethiopian legend has it that the king was poisoned, but survived the attack. In gratitude he built the churches, with the help of angels, in just one day. I made the mistake of discussing this theory with Hailemiriam, a young student who guided me around the churches for a few days. His absolute belief in the teachings of the Christian church helped me to get amazing access at the various churches, but he certainly wasn’t the person to question the legend of the Lalibela churches with! There are a couple of other theories. Popular in the West is the notion that the churches were constructed a few hundred years earlier by Crusaders returning from the holy land, but the most likely is that the construction was started by King Lalibela, but finished later.

Whatever lies behind the construction, the churches certainly are an amazing feat of engineering. The most well known is Bet Giorgis, the House of St George, created from solid rock in the shape of a giant cross. Looking down into the courtyard from ground level I could see that the builders would first have had to cut down six metres to form the outside of the building and the courtyard. Then they would have cut doors and windows into the structure and hollowed it out from the inside – making sure that they left adequate supports for heavy structure. All of this was done (with or without the help of angels) with just hand tools.

We move on to the Bet Gabriel-Rufa’el (House of Archangels) Church also known as the Palace of King Lalibela. I’m a little nervous. Last time I was here about three years before I managed to get into a bit of a fight with the priest. I was on an overland tour and a few of us were walking round. A small boy tagged along with us and offered to mind our shoes when we went into the churches. He was decent enough so I let him. It was a good arrangement until the priest at this church slapped him round the head without warning telling him to get out of the church. I don’t like anyone slapping kids – something I managed to convey to the supposed holy man in no uncertain terms. True at that time we also had a seemingly tame monkey that adopted us as well, which might have sent the priest over the top. Still if he recognised me (or remembered the boy or the monkey) he seemed to think better than to mention it, and I didn’t think to bring it up.

Bet Giyorgis church - there are 11 stone carved churches in Lalibela, dating back to the reign of King Lalibela over 800 years ago.
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I’m not a very good tourist. I find facts just whistle over my head, and my eyes glaze over with too much sightseeing, but there’s something about Lalibela that does manage to entrance me. The churches are undoubtedly beautiful, which helps, but also the liberal smattering of pilgrims mix well with the odd hermit, who sit there reading tatty bibles. Other highlights are the treasures that each priest brings out conspiratorially at each church. Sometimes it’s an ancient bible, hand painted onto goat skin in the old forgotten religious language of Ge’ez, or even an ancient painting of religious icons, some five hundred years old, but with colours that are still so bright they could have been painted just yesterday.

Inside of the Bet Medhane Alem (the House of Emmanuel), the priest shows me the cross that was fairly recently stolen by a tourist but later returned. It’s one of the most sacred treasures, said to belong to King Lalibela himself. This church is huge. Eight hundred square metres, and completely supported by 72 pillars – half inside and half outside this great structure. Like Bet Giorgis, it was carved in one piece from solid rock and is reputed to be the largest carved monolithic structure in the world. The inside is huge and gloomy. The priest suggests that I come back the next day as there is some sort of festival going on.

When I do get back, the place is absolutely packed with pilgrims. Some sit around appearing to do very little, but others are praying at the front. The same priest from the day before brings out the cross and is immediately mobbed by pilgrims struggling to get to kiss it. A moment of fear flickers across his place then he growls something in Ethiopian, and the crowd calms slightly. He disappears down the church pursued by his retinue of the faithful.

Outside in the overcast daylight, the courtyard of the church is also full of pilgrims. A priest is reading from a bible, but he is totally obscured by a large umbrella and his disjointed voice booms around the courtyard.

One of the things that I find the most evocative about the churches is the fact that they’re still so revered, and an active place of worship. Each has its own priest and congregation, and although to Westerners they are just one more site on the UNESCO tick off list, to Ethiopians they’re a source of hope and comfort in their hard lives.

On my last full day I decide to visit the Asheton Maryam Monastery. This is a two or three hour walk up one of the mountains overlooking the town. Yet again Hailemariam is going to be my guide – even though, nothing personal, I would probably rather be on my own.

As we head out of town a bunch of touts with donkeys try to rent us mounts for the journey. I feel guilty, but I really don’t want one. I’ve found this a real problem in Ethiopia. I feel guilty as hell turning down services I don’t want as people rely on the income.

The path is steep, but hell, the views are fantastic. Not for the first time I get an idea of how absolutely remote this place is. The altitude feels pretty harsh up here, which is not helped by the heavy camera bag. Hailemariam offers to carry it again, but at under half my size, I really don’t have the heart to let him.

After a couple of hours slog we reach a plateau. It’s windswept and barren here, but there are a number of small stone dwellings, and a patchwork of dry, pale fields covered with stones and rubble. I wonder how anyone can make anything grow up here – but people are trying. In one of the fields a man is plowing the field, with an old wooden plough pulled by a couple of skinny cows. It’s the sort of thing that you might expect to see in a museum or on the wall of a country pub, but here it’s still in use. A young girl stands in the field in a torn dress and bright blue shoes. She’s sowing seed as he plows. They’re right on the edge of the plateau, and the ground just drops away at the edge of the field. There is, of course, no fence or barrier.

We continue on up the hill. Another young girl appears. She has a couple of bottles of a soft drink. They’re warm, so I tell her to leave them in a trickling stream, and say that we’ll buy them on our way back down.

The monastery is much smaller than I thought, and set in a cave. An old priest is inside. He shows neither surprise nor pleasure at seeing us arrive, just beckons us in to show us around. There are all sorts of religious treasures inside here – including ancient paintings and illuminated bibles painted on goat skin. The priest has a fantastic face and I invite him outside to take his picture. He looks at the camera with a face totally timeless and unfathomable.

The cola girl appears with our two bottles. They are colder now. I buy one for Hailemariam and one for me and we drink them eagerly. She grins happily. She’s a smart kid and has obviously picked up on the cold drinks message. I’ve visions of passing this way in a few years and seeing her running a small café and guesthouse. She’ll go a long way if people will only let her.

She follows us to the edge of the plateau carrying the empty bottles, then waves as we head back down the path. Just by something as simple as buying a couple of soft drinks we have, in some small way, made the world a better place.

Mermaid Material

Plunging deep into the ocean with your legs strapped together and no oxygen tank may sound like a Houdini escape stunt, but it’s all part of the job when you’re a mermaid. Since developing the unusual act more than a decade ago, bookings for aquarium appearances and commercials have poured in for self-styled mermaid Kazzie Mahina.

As a child Mahina invented mermaid games with her friends. She would tie up their legs with rope, insist they keep pet frogs and ensure they answered to mermaid names. “I was taking it pretty seriously,” she admits. “I thought everyone wanted to play mermaid games, but apparently not as much as me!” An invitation to swim with dolphins as part of a water-awareness campaign sparked an adult Mahina’s interest in performing as marine life once more. It was a lifestyle she fell for hook, line and sinker.

These days the Byron Bay local finds herself traipsing around the world for mermaiding jobs and delving into an underwater world where the likes of Ariel and King Triton are far from fantasy. “I love the adventure of it,” she says. “I get to experience things that I probably wouldn’t have been able to had I not had this job. I end up with all sorts of opportunities in my inbox; some crazy, others wonderful.” As well as photo shoots and party appearances she’s even starred in a music video clip for ‘Let’s Get Ridiculous’ by pop singer Redfoo.

Performing as a mermaid involves far more than swimming with a shimmering appendage. It takes a tremendous amount of skill to be able to dive deep in freezing water and still pose gracefully for photographs. “It can often feel like an extreme sport, but people think it looks so easy,” Mahina says. In reality, she’s a professionally trained contemporary dancer and has the ability to hold her breath for five minutes while free diving. “If someone is not at ease under the water, asking them to dance, mermaid, smile and look like they would out of the water is almost impossible.” Even aquarium shoots can be challenging, with visitors watching her every move and kids expecting interaction while she works.

Over the years her career has taken her to some of the world’s most desirable aquatic destinations including the waters of Mexico, Thailand, Indonesia and Hawaii, where she’s had the chance to swim with sharks, dolphins and, most enviable of all, whales. “I was mermaiding in Tonga, swimming alongside a mother whale and her calf. I played and danced with the calf and was right beside the mother. I was so close I could’ve touched her.”

Life as a mermaid is not always smooth sailing, however, and keeping your wits about you while in the ocean is a must. As well as the threat of looking like a fish out of water in a client’s photographs if something goes awry, presenting yourself as a sea creature slides you down the food chain, too. One of Mahina’s most perilous moments came during a night swim in Thailand, where she was mistaken for a fish. “As I started splashing my tail about, a fishing boat must’ve heard and came full throttle towards me with the nets raised up high, ready to trap me. I was about to end up as catch of the day!”

Kazzie Mahina swims with a whale and calf in Tonga.
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Marine conservation is a big part of her life as a mermaid. She uses her personal brand as an aquatic icon and her own conservation group, which she calls the MerPod Ocean Tribe, to spread awareness and help educate others about the declining health of our oceans. Her group has partnered with the Tangaroa Blue Ocean Care Society to help conduct beach clean-ups and information sessions that teach people about the effects of pollution and the importance of taking action for the sake of future generations. It has also teamed up with musician and former pro surfer Jack Johnson and Australian Seabird Rescue for local environmental projects.

Unsurprisingly, Mahina still gets puzzled looks when she mentions her profession. But the tide seems to be turning. “I’ve noticed the response is completely different to what it was early in my career. In a time where there’s no shortage of bad news and terrible stories, one of the things that’s made me feel quite fulfilled in my life is being able to be something that’s joyful and positive; that’s balancing the world out in some way.” Plus, you can’t help but smile when you see an adult swimming around in a sparkling tail.

After Dark Philadelphia

Despite government prohibition, Philadelphia was the bootlegging, speakeasy capital of the United States for more than a decade. At one point, some 8000 secret bars heaved in the basements of this city. Today it still carries on this rich legacy of bars, pubs and late-night cheesesteaks. The bars in Philadelphia are like a good book: you can’t judge them by their front doors. Planning a night here without first recognising the city as one of the 1920s wettest and wickedest would be perilous.

This was once the wild west of Prohibition, where the sons of Italian, Irish and Polish mobsters ran rum up and down the coast and established some of the most notorious breweries and brothels. This history has defined the late-night culture, but as both Rittenhouse Square and Old City still retain this alluring underworld and cobblestoned charm – reminiscent of a Boardwalk Empire episode – if you spent all your time in these two well-known haunts, you would fail to unlock a drinking scene that now rivals Williamsburg in Brooklyn. In recent years, like the roots of a giant tree in search of water or one of those mobsters seeking out his rum, Philadelphia has begun its natural gentrification into its outer neighbourhoods. Now both locals and tourists are discovering a new Philly under intense revival in the streets of Northern Liberties and Fishtown. Here is a comeback that is still underpinned – for the better – by its grimy bootlegging past.

Reading Terminal is a sardine packed bustling hawkers market serving fresh produce alongside craft beer and hoagies.
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4pm
Philadelphia is home to one of America’s largest and oldest public markets. Reading Street Terminal has been in the same location since 1893 and is awash every day with boisterous traders, exotic produce, food stalls and bars. An afternoon of shopping in the city is hungry and thirsty work, so if you’re starting your evening here you won’t be short of options. But as you peek over the swarming mass of shoppers, follow your nose to Carmen’s Famous Italian Hoagies. The line will be long and the service will be loud (for some reason, they prefer to shout), but you won’t be disappointed. Order a Classic Cheesesteak and wait for your playing card (a unique take on your service number) to be called, which will happen quicker than your belly can rumble. Instead of eating your food here, get it to take away and prop yourself up in the common seating area of the main market before slinking into Molly Molloy’s for a pint among the organised chaos.

Carmen’s Famous Italian Hoagies & Molly Molloy’s, Reading Terminal Market
51 N 12th St, Philadelphia, PA 19107, USA
readingterminalmarket.org

5pm
Set in the heart of the more bourgeois section of Rittenhouse Square, Good Dog Bar is a hidden ode to man’s best friend, where drinkers are encouraged to come and spend the afternoon among the pooch-themed décor. It’s also a local favourite for catching the city’s beloved football team, the Philadelphia Eagles. Almost every bar in the city offers a ridiculous discount on beer when the team is playing. The bar has a well-curated beer list, a head chef who is determined to return this hidden gem to its former gastro pub glory days, and the crowd is a mix of young professionals, barristers and bike couriers all finishing their days and starting their nights.

Good Dog Bar
224 S 15th St, Philadelphia, PA 19102, USA
gooddogbar.com

Bing Bing Dim Sum is a beautifully modern-day expression of American-Chinese cuisine in one of the oldest Chinatowns in the country.
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6.30pm
In a city so famous for drinking, its world-class Chinatown district is often overlooked. Confined within a six-block radius, this throwback oriental microcosm is home to some of the best bars and restaurants in town and a trip here is not complete without a visit to Bing Bing Dim Sum. A small, local eatery that takes very limited reservations, Bing Bing represents everything that is good about a true Chinatown cultural melting pot in a big city, as is serves up small south Chinese plates with a Jewish-American twist. We needn’t tell you what to order here, just get one of everything.

Bing Bing Dim Sum
1648 E Passyunk Ave, Philadelphia,
PA 19148, USA
bingbingdimsum.com

Glory Beer Bar is Old City’s newest craft beer paradise tucked down a cobblestone lane.
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7.30pm
Before Philly’s dirty Prohibition past, its history was rooted in liberty and democracy. Philadelphia was once the temporary capital of the United States and when you’re meandering the streets of its Old City at night, you can’t help but picture a young Thomas Jefferson and John Adams scurrying between its watering holes and scribbling down policies over a pint for their boss, George Washington. The Glory Beer Bar and Kitchen is a symbol of present-day beer democracy that its city forefathers would be proud of, with three long communal drinking tables, 36 taps and a beer bottle list with more than a hundred varieties.

Glory Beer Bar & Kitchen
126 Chestnut St, Philadelphia,
PA 19106, USA
gloryphilly.com

Discover old world Philly in this hidden Rittenhouse Square favourite, the Ranstead Room.
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8.30pm
Leaving the justice fanfare behind, it’s time to channel your inner Philly mobster. This is where you disappear down a dark alley on historic Chestnut Street and look for a concealed black door with two red ‘R’s. Once you enter The Ranstead Room, a hostess will take you through another hidden door into a small, dark bar, illuminated only by the lighting on the pin-up style nudes on the wall, setting a sultry mood. This is old-world Philadelphia and the boutique, luxury leather stools are reminiscent of a 1930s Roadster’s rumble seats. But it’s the seasonal menu of cocktails that are true works of art. Designed in layers, don’t go past the Gin, Gin, Ginny and make sure to munch on the spiced popcorn – you’ll never look at the corn kernel snack the same way again.

The Ranstead Room
2013 Ranstead St, Philadelphia,
PA 19103, USA
ransteadroom.com

9pm
With stomachs full of liquor, food is fast becoming a necessity for the night. When Philly bellies start to rumble, locals typically make their way to the bustling Northern Liberties precinct. Heritage is the new kid on the block in NoLibs, but it’s quickly becoming a crowd favourite for cashed-up hipsters. This high-ceilinged venue offers a beer selection you couldn’t get through in a lifetime and live jazz every night of the week. Its menu is also vast, meaty and cheesy (exactly what you would expect in this city). Share a platter of slow-roasted chicken and braised ribs, while some of the best jazz musicians in town serenade you.

Heritage
914 N 2nd St, Philadelphia, PA 19123, USA
heritage.life

North Bowl is a NoLibs institution that embraces the beautiful relationship between ten-pin bowling, good mates and cheap beer.
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10.30pm
It might be the pints talking, but there’s something strangely alluring about ten-pin bowling and neon lights at this time of night. Nearly every bar in NoLibs is a big kid’s playground with arcade games and skee-ball aplenty, but just across the road from Heritage you’ll find a place to channel your inner 12-year-old. North Bowl is not your typical bowling alley. It’s a modern take on a classic American pastime and this classy bar-cum-recreational venue crashed its way into NoLibs a decade ago offering a drinks service right to your lane, retro bowling benches from the 1950s and an sculptural upstairs bar that looks down on the mayhem of the less-than-impressive ‘bowling’ taking place below. Book a lane ahead and you’re guaranteed a good time.

North Bowl
909 N 2nd St, Philadelphia, PA 19123, USA
northbowlphilly.com

Skee-ball, live sport and food trucks are all part of the fun at Garage Philly.
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12am
As the witching hour strikes, it’s time to return to adult life. Fishtown is no place to drop your guard. Not because it’s unsafe – this part of Philadelphia is under a warp-speed transformation, recently earning the reputation as America’s hottest new neighbourhood. You’ll likely arrive here from Downtown on “the El”, one of the country’s oldest elevated subways. As the doors jolt open, prepare to be smacked in the face by a cacophony of hipsters, eateries and new bars so thick you would think you were in downtown Portland or Melbourne. Garage Philly represents everything that’s eclectic and new about Fishtown. You can bring your own food to this giant converted mechanics garage and enjoy its somewhat daunting selection of beers and cocktails. On a summer night, sit in the window and watch as restored trolleys from the 1960s, thunder by the bustling footpath.

Garage Philly
100 E Girard Ave, Philadelphia,
PA 19125, USA
garagephilly.com/about-fishtown

Joe’s Steak and Soda in Fishtown does the best late night cheesesteak and fries in the city, bar none.
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2am
From that same window you’ll soon peep (if you don’t smell it first) Joe’s Steak and Soda just across the road. This favourite has been a beacon of late-night drunk munchies since 1949 and is the undisputed king of cheese, meat and bread in Philadelphia. Order just about anything on the menu here and be assured of a no-fuss, sandwich in an old diner guaranteed to make that hangover tomorrow just a little more bearable.

Joe’s Steak and Soda
1 W Girard Ave, Philadelphia, PA 19123, USA
joessteaks.com

After Dark Toronto

Those travelling to Toronto won’t be surprised to hear that the city’s streets come alive once the sun has gone down. But knowing where to go to find the city’s best parties is part of the challenge. As co-owner of the late Footwork club and current CODA nightclub, and partner of Toronto’s Electric Island Festival series, Joel Smye is an integral tastemaker among Toronto’s nightlife. He’s been living and breathing the nightlife air for as long as he can remember. It’s only natural then that Joel knows where to go when it comes to, as he describes, an “unfiltered, historic tour through Toronto’s nightlife.” Strolling through the bohemian streets of Kensington Market, and down the Ossington strip, Joel pops his head into various bars, bidding hello to industry friends, while sharing tales of past romances. He takes us along for the ride.

The views from the Thompson Rooftop are spectacular.
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5:30pm
The Thompson Rooftop lounge provides breathtaking views of Toronto’s skyline. When Friday hits, this is the perfect place to unwind and celebrate another working week. On the Thompson Hotel’s 16th floor, you’ll be greeted by cocktails, gourmet food and an unparalleled panoramic view of the downtown core and Lake Ontario, not to mention the chance to gawk at the activities happening by the crystal-clear rooftop pool. Throughout the summer months, the Thompson Rooftop plays host to an array of events, and last season’s ABOVE series, which featured local DJs every Sunday, quickly became a city favourite.

The Thompson rooftop lounge
550 Wellington St W
thompsonhotels.com

It’s not hard to see why Kensington is considered one of the more quirky boroughs in Toronto.
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6:30pm
Between the neighbourhoods of Little Italy and Chinatown, Toronto’s free spirits, bargain-hunters and foodies come together at Kensington Market. As one of the city’s oldest and most colourful boroughs, Kensington offers a truly multi-cultural experience to all who stroll through. The eclectic mix of vintage clothing stores, grocers and cafés makes Kensington Market a beloved landmark in the city. Whoever said jazz is a dying art just didn’t know where to find it. Kensington Market is home to one of Toronto’s most provocative jazz bars – Poetry. Amongst the dimly lit, narrow halls, art lovers come here to lose themselves in the sounds of dark rhythmic soul, haunting vocals, dynamic spoken word and lively percussion.

Kensington Market
kensington-market.ca

Poetry
224 Augusta Ave
poetryjazzcafe.com

Otto's Berlin Doner is a highlight.
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7:00pm
You can’t leave Kensington Market without indulging in one of the many specialty restaurants. Otto’s Berlin Döner is a highlight, specialising in two of Germany’s most beloved street foods: the döner kebab and currywurst. It’s spearheaded by the Mansion Brothers, a team of young, creative restaurateurs, who are also responsible for several other concept-restaurants across the city including Otto’s Bierhalle and SoSo. Joel goes straight for the kill ordering a veal and lamb döner, washing it down with Munich Gold. As a little insider’s tip, Joel instructs us to head into the washrooms where you are faced with the decision of whether to press the red or the blue button to turn your bathroom visit into a dance party.

Otto’s Berlin Döner
256 Augusta Ave
ottosdoner.com

Warm evenings are best spent hanging out at Trinity Bellwoods park.
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8:00pm
Without a doubt, the best meet-up spot in the summer goes to Trinity Bellwoods. Encompassing the blocks between Dundas West and Queen West, this park is bustling with energy at any hour. From dog walkers to slack-liners, yogis and pot-smokers, Trinity Bellwoods is where you want to be. Joel leads us hazily through the park, soaking up the final day’s rays and observing the action around us. The summer months offer something extra special to the neighbourhood foodies. Every Tuesday from May to October, the park turns into a farmers’ market. Held by the northwest entrance of the park from 3pm to 7pm, rain or shine, the Trinity Bellwoods Farmers’ Market welcomes local famers, wineries and artisans to sell their fresh, seasonal produce to park-dwellers.

Trinity Bellwoods Park
790 Queen St W
trinitybellwoods.ca

Trinity Bellwoods Farmers’ Market
Dundas & Shaw at the northwest entrance of Trinity Bellwoods
tbfm.ca

For quality Greek fare on Ossington Ave, it’s hard to go past Mamakas.
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No visit to Ossington Ave is complete without treating yourself to a burnt toffee ice cream at Bang Bang.
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9:30pm
Ossington Avenue has quickly become one of the hottest destinations for trendy, upscale dining in the city. When the weekend hits, Ossington is flooded with locals and out-of-towners alike, waiting for a seat at their favourite restaurant. Whether it’s buck-a-shuck oysters at Böehmer, grilled lamb chops at Mamakas, or the burnt toffee ice cream at Bang Bang, there’s an eatery for everyone. There’s even a barbershop that turns into a speakeasy when night falls. Dubbed the ‘Gift Shop’, most don’t know about this hidden gem, but if you follow the neon red, flashing ‘Bar-ber’, you’ll find yourself tucked away at the back of a store, sipping on mezcal and talking to the barman known only as ‘H’.

Gift Shop
89 Ossington Ave
barberandco.ca

A graffiti-clad staircase doubles as the entrance to Apt. 200.
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11:00pm
At the bottom of Ossington Avenue lies a bar that goes by the ambiguous name of Apt. 200. The concept came from its sister bar of the same name, located in Montreal. Modelled on the idea that you’re hanging in the apartment of a close friend, Apt. 200 offers a cosy, intimate vibe with arcade games, a pool table and atmospheric lighting, along with a menu of creative cocktails. On the weekends, Apt. 200 plays host to the hottest names in hip-hop, making this a favourite amongst Toronto’s urban community. With our bellies full from dinner, and the drinking already begun at the Gift Shop, we opt to stop here for a tipple, sipping on a ‘Cosmo TO’, made with hibiscus vodka, Cointreau, lime and cranberry before heading out to dance the rest of the night away.

Apt. 200
1034 Queen St W
apt200.com

The energy and atmosphere are electric at Toronto’s underground nightclub, CODA.
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1:00am
Given Joel can offer immediate access, CODA nightclub is the final stop for our night and we walk through the doors like VIPs. CODA is located in the heart of the Annex and holds the title of Toronto’s number one destination for underground house and techno. Co-owned by Joel and his business partner Stephan Philion, CODA has played host to some of the world’s most renowned DJs, including Sasha, Richie Hawtin, Sven Väth, Dixon and many more. Tonight, it’s the UK’s Billy Kenny who is getting the dance floor rowdy. With a packed house, the energy is truly electric! As the ominous lighting dances across the glistening faces of partiers, it’s clear that everyone is here for the sole love of music.

CODA
794 Bathurst St
codatoronto.com

Reykjavik, the capital of cool

We’re bombing across a rocky, jet black plateau that looks like the kind of other-worldly place NASA would explore with a wheeled robot. “Do you want to know something about this road?” our guide asks us with a sly wink. “It’s a new road – but there was a problem. It passed through elf territory. So when the government built it they left gold as compensation to the elves. The gold was eventually taken away. It must have been the elves – who else would take it? At least that’s the story I was told!”

My girlfriend and I are in Iceland for a bit of quiet away from the urban crush of London. We’ve been told that this is one of the cleanest and greenest destinations worldwide. I wonder if we’ll see a clean-living elf recycling his rubbish by the side of the road.

I chuckle at the guide and turn to look out of the window at the bright northern sun rising over this scruffy lunar landscape just outside Reykjavik – it’s the very first glimpse of Iceland visitors get as their plane lands at Keflavik International Airport. We’re crossing the volcanic black Reykjanesskagi Peninsula at the south-western tip of Iceland to immerse ourselves in the country’s most famous tourist attraction.

The fact that a country’s most famous tourist attraction is a bubbling cauldron of geothermal energy says a lot about modern Iceland. This is a place where, the occasional aluminium smelter notwithstanding, the environment really matters. The natural world is literally the heart and soul of the island. The Icelanders realised long before green issues became fashionable in the 1990s that it was essential to protect their land to ensure their very survival. Now they use it in their tourism marketing too.

Reykjavik’s houses are painted in bright reds, blues and yellows like an Arctic toy town.
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We screech into the empty car park of this volcanic Disneyland – the Blue Lagoon. It’s early and we’re the first tour bus in town. Lately, Iceland’s tourism has been promoting this isolated country at the very tip of Europe as a green utopia. They’ve whipped up sleek TV adverts showing hot Scandinavian couples paddling in bubbling geothermal pools; all of it backed by a stirring soundtrack of Sigur Rós – but more on the island’s music scene later.

Kitted out with trunks and towel, I strip off and wash myself down – getting into a pool in Iceland while dirty is like farting at the dinner table. You’ll be castigated for it. Cleaned up, I brave the icy wind blowing across the alfresco complex and make a dash for the hot spa pool. I wade in and feel the warm water cover me like a blanket.

The Blue Lagoon is not like anywhere I’ve been before. You won’t forget the blue-tinted, mineral-rich water heated to 40ºC by the earth’s magma, the steam clouds rising from the pools, the chilly breeze and the modern wooden pavilion where tourists buy souvenirs, eat lunch and get changed. My girlfriend rubs the famous silica mud onto my face and I wonder how many visits it will take to transform me into a more handsome human specimen, like the macho inhabitants
of the island, who all seem descended from muscular Vikings.

The Blue Lagoon, though thrilling, is in some ways a ruse – the water is essentially the excess outfall from the Svartsengi Power Station next door. But that’s Iceland for you; they make the best of what they’ve got. In much the same way that they ferment dead shark and then sell it to tourists as a delicacy called hakari – despite US superchef Anthony Bourdain saying it was the worst thing he’d ever tasted.

Geothermal power, though, is a green Icelandic trump card. The power station, which slips from view as we head back towards the centre of Reykjavik, is one of five that power a quarter of the kettles in the entire country and provide almost all the house heating, plus hot water from the tap. Most of the rest of the island’s power comes from hydro and wind. Eventually the government wants the nation to be 100 per cent free of fossil fuel power. No other country in our lifetime will ever come close to that.

But no other country is like Iceland. As we shoot through the low-rise suburbs of the capital city, it looks a bit like Oslo or Copenhagen. But fiercely proud Iceland still ploughs its own furrow. Its greatest shame is whaling, totally at odds with the environmental image it wants to portray, and tourism authorities would love to make the fishing lobby pack up and go home. You can take a boat trip out to the bay to watch majestic minke playing and wonder why the country still hunts them. Perhaps it’s partly because Icelanders are so independent.

The northern lights cast their mystical green spell during the long winter nights.
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Before the banking crisis in 2008, Iceland was at full steam ahead in its own weird economic miracle. It was famed for its rich citizens and high prices. Prices have dropped somewhat, but when I hand over a fistful of krónur for a beer, it still sends my pulse racing. “How much?” I mumble in my head. But the same go-it-alone mindset, which caused Iceland to inflate a reckless economic bubble, also allowed it to install kilometres of cycle lanes in the city, promote recycling and resist industrial development to give it some of the cleanest air and safest streets you’ll find. They did things their way, for better or worse. The singer Björk started a fund to help support green industry in the country and the city’s new tourist motto is ‘pure energy’.

Back in the city, we take a stroll round central Reykjavik to explore more. Seagulls flutter all around in the sky above. The streets are so clean you could eat your dinner off them. This small capital of low-rise, slat-panelled buildings painted in primary colours, as if by up-beat school kids, is easy to negotiate. It’s really just a big village. We pass multicoloured recycling boxes everywhere, and clean parks. We swing by the Thermal Beach – open May to August every year at the end of the domestic airport’s little runway, where hot springs heat the sea water and sand is imported from North Africa. There are hundreds of pools and ‘hot pots’ – hot tubs – scattered around this spa-mad city. We skirt the serene Tjörnin, a lake in the city’s centre surrounded by lush green grass. Cyclists and joggers are burning the calories off, a Scandinavian phlegmatic look painted on their faces. Renting a bike is easy and the city produces cycle path maps to get you from A to B. We agree to hire a bike next time we’re in town, but this time take the next best alternative: walking the wide pavements.

Trundling along the city’s main street, Laugavegur, my girlfriend’s eye is taken by a different type of recycling. The many vintage stores on the street compete with up-market boutiques for the city’s fashion-conscious girls. I look up and down the street at the handsome men and beautiful women joking around and speaking in such a deliciously tongue-tangling way to one another.

In view of the monumental concrete church tower of the Hallgrímskirkja, we stop in for a drink at Kaffibarinn – a top little bar that Blur’s Damon Albarn apparently loved so much he bought a share in it. An Anglophile sort of place, its sign looks like a London Underground roundel, but there’s plenty of Icelandic spirit inside. We sample shots of Brennivín (aka Black Death), a fiery, potatoey, vodka substitute that puts hairs on your chest. As the afternoon ticks on, the booze begins to kick in, and a group of local men burst into an impromptu rendition of a traditional sea shanty – a gruff baritone lament for the high seas. It sends tingles up my spine.

Music runs through the veins of Icelanders. It’s a national obsession that culminates each October with the Iceland Airwaves festival. Last year saw the new breed of Icelandic bands such as Amiina playing alongside US, European and Scandinavian talent. For a country of barely more than 300,000 people, Iceland boasts an impressive collection of modern bands like For a Minor Reflection, and the wonderful party-starting pop act FM Belfast, whose songs seem to be on in every shop and bar we visit over our weekend.

There’s an even more famous star in town this weekend though. Yoko Ono fell for the island because of its commitment to green energy and because it doesn’t have an army. On the anniversary of what would have been John Lennon’s 60th birthday, we watch Ono perform a concert with her and John’s son, Sean Lennon, at a concert hall. Ono tells of how much she loves Iceland, and the crowd whoop and cheer “I love you!” at her. The atmosphere crackles. In many ways the concert is as much a tribute to the free-spirited, eco-conscious islanders as it is to Lennon’s memory.

Ono’s other tribute to John and to Reykjavik is a boat-ride away, and it’s our final date with this loveable, liveable city. We take an eight-minute boat ride across the harbour to the tiny island of Videy.

The day is fading fast and the Atlantic wind whips across my face. I look down at the clear harbour water, my eyes straining to see fish or whales, but I’m beaten by the lack of light. Still, out here on the gently rolling waves, the air is as fresh and pure as any I’ve ever breathed. They should bottle it.

After a 15-minute walk over low green hillocks of Videy, and past a charming old priory, we are faced with a pillar of light shooting up into the night sky as far as the eye can see. The Imagine Peace Tower is, aptly, powered by geothermal energy and has become a new icon of green Reykjavik – a constant reminder of peace and love. With the words ‘imagine peace’ inscribed into its stone base in many languages, its light is visible all over the city. And that beam of light stands for peace, for ecology, for friendship and for fun – all the characteristics that Reykjavik has in spades.

Trekking the Kokoda Track

It’s only five minutes after meeting Henry that you and he first hold hands. After 10 minutes he’s gently grabbing you – from behind. For the next nine days he rarely leaves your side for a second. He sings for you, cooks for you, helps you when you’re down. He even brings you flowers. Then, when it’s all over, after you give him a raincoat and some cream for his blisters as a parting gift, you hug him awkwardly and the steamy affair is finished. Such is the nature of a relationship in the Papua New Guinean jungle. It’s a strictly business relationship, of course. Henry is your porter.

Without knowing much about it, you always thought hiking the Kokoda Track wasn’t for you. In fact, you were convinced it was for people very unlike you. As a Greens-voting, peppermint-teasipping, inner-city leftie, the thought of spending 10 days in the bush with a bunch of flag-flying blokes chanting Aussie, Aussie, Aussie never seemed appealing. You’ve seen enough intolerance and ignorance dressed up as mateship and true-blue-ness to know that it can spoil a good time. You’ve long felt that patriotism in Australia has been highjacked by the wrong team. And you were sure it would be that very team that turned up to play on the Kokoda Track.

But then a couple of things changed your thoughts on wanting to do the hike. Most notably, a friend said you’d struggle to complete the track without “serious” training.

“You’ve got to be a tough bastard to do the Kokoda,” he told you.

As a seasoned trekker, and a competitive bugger to boot, this was akin to flapping a big red flag in front of an angry bull. It also led you to do more research about The Track.

One of many river crossings.
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A creek crossing in one of the world’s great jungles.
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You don’t like wars, or the glorification of war. You’ve been to Gallipoli. Honouring the diggers there can be an ugly, drunken affair. But you learn that the World War II campaign in PNG, with the Aussies fighting off what they thought was an imminent Japanese invasion, is an inconvenient truth. The battle for the Kokoda Track was a war they had to have. And you reckon the young fellas who suffered and died there in the belief they were protecting their country – their mums and dads, brothers and sisters – are deserving of everyone’s thanks.

So you decide to take on the Kokoda Track. Firstly, for a physical challenge. But also to honour the soldiers somehow and to see if those on your team (The Peppermint Tea Brigade) are welcome in the game.

With little training, you arrive in Port Moresby. You’re booked on a tour with Back Track Adventures, a Brisbane-based outfit whose website has the least number of photos of camouflage-clad men whooping it up in the jungle. In fact, it has none. A reasonable selling point, you conclude.

At the airport you meet with 12 other trekkers on the same tour. There are uni students, Aussie Rules players, health workers, farmers, bar girls and corporate chiefs in the mix.

Heading out to Owers Corner, the starting point of the trek, you ask one of your fellow trekkers if he’s nervous.

“I’m absolutely shitting myself, mate,” he replies.

At Owers, the group is greeted by the porters, a bunch of 30-odd local men from a village along The Track. They form a guard of honour and begin to sing together. As you walk through and become surrounded by their multi-layered harmonies, you feel a flow of emotion. “Selo, selo,” they chant, “Welcome, welcome.” You have never heard singing like this. Their voices, so naturally and effortlessly beautiful, don’t seem to come from the men themselves. Somehow the music emanates from the earth and the trees instead. It belongs to something ancient and unexplained. In that moment, you forget the hard slog ahead and that you too are absolutely shitting yourself.

You then line up and meet the ‘boys’, as they’re called. Robbie, Richard, Charlie, Binsy and, of course, Henry.

When you meet Henry you know you’re in good hands. At 40, he’s one of the elders of the group. He’s shy and polite and says very little. But you see caring and kindness in his eyes. You decide in that second that you’ll be kind to him too, keeping most of your gear in your bag and giving him just a few kilos to lug. The affair begins.

“Porters are you ready?” yells Charlie, the lead porter.

“YES!”

“Trekkers are you ready?”

“YES!”

And then the countdown commences to the first steps on the Kokoda Track: almost 100 kilometres of treacherous, sheer jungle trail from Owers to the village of Kokoda.

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Yippee, yippee, trekky, trekky, rock and roll!” shouts Charlie, while doing a little jig.

You are off.

The first minute is murder: a steep downhill pinch that has you almost collapsing at the knees. Henry, always beside or behind you, reaches out to take your hand for the slippery sections. You politely decline. Four minutes later, all pretence of masculinity and self-sufficiency falls in a muddy pile. You take his hand for the first of hundreds of times.

“Like the care of a nurse and the love of a mother,” said Lieutenant Colonel Ralph Honner about the kindness of the Papua. New Guineans on The Track during the war.

The story of the ‘Fuzzy Wuzzy Angels’ is an enduring Australian legend. Given the name because of their ‘fuzzy’ hair, these men and women were dragged from their villages and into a brutal war. Employed by the Aussies to carry sick and wounded soldiers, along with ammo and supplies, they went so far above and beyond to save the diggers that you feel they deserve every piece of praise they get.

That evening, after the walking is over, dinner is done and Henry has filled your water bottles from the creek, you clamber into your tent and recall the day just gone. If asked, you’d describe the trekking conditions as similar to putting a step machine in a sauna, cranking it up to the highest setting and going at it for nine hours. For total authenticity, add mud, rain, bugs and a fair chance of gastro and malaria.

Despite this, after one of the hardest days of your life, you decide you are very glad to be here.

As you begin to fall asleep, the porters start to sing again. Their music drifts across the tops of the tents and into the warm night.

As day two unfolds, you get to know your fellow trekkers better. Everyone is here for his or her own reasons – from following in the footsteps of relatives who fought on The Track, to completing one of the big ones on the ‘bucket’ list, to simply getting in shape and having a different kind of holiday.

You’re glad the Aussie, Aussie, Aussie chant is yet to ring out across the Papua New Guinean countryside. But you’re also glad there are a variety of opinions and attitudes and world views being expressed along the way – openly and with good humour. These are salt-of-the earth Australians and you’re happy to be among them.

At the end of the day you feel exhausted, but proud that you are managing OK.

Pride is a thing you think about a lot on The Track. Has Australian pride been impaled on the sharp end of extreme nationalism? You remember Cronulla well. You wonder if it’s possible to be patriotic without being blinkered and boorish.

You’re still not sure, but the story and symbolism of the 39th Australian Infantry Battalion, remembered as one of the bravest and most important units in Australia’s military history, gives you hope that it somehow is.

Thrown together in a rush, the 39th was a motley bunch of mostly teenagers armed with weapons from World War I. Derisively dubbed the ‘chocos’ (chocolate soldiers, because they’d supposedly melt in battle), they were originally lined up for a passive role in PNG. But a series of events occurred that led those in charge to order the 39th to carry their weapons and the hopes of their homeland into the rampant jungle – to take on the infinitely superior Japanese forces advancing on Port Moresby and to save their nation. On the face of it, it was a big ask.

But the boys didn’t melt. They hardened. The part they played in keeping back the Japanese was phenomenal. Those who returned – many didn’t – have been dubbed ‘ragged bloody heroes’. For you, the courage and strength of the 39th is beyond belief.

On The Track, each day has its ups and downs in a literal and emotional sense. The walking is very hard going. It’s steep and slippery and you sweat like a glass blower’s arse in the cruel humidity. There are moments – sometimes hours or whole days – where you slip into a negative headspace and wonder why it is you’re here.

But the camaraderie amongst the group is a big help in getting you through these down times. There’s a sense that everyone is in it together.

The natural and cultural side of the experience is also a big motivator. Whenever you take time to look around, you realise you’re in one of the great forests of the world. The endless jungle is like a giant set of green lungs. And you relish the interactions with the locals along the way, the men with their bush knives and betel-nut smiles, the curious kids in the villages.

On day four you stop to rest and drink and swim at the most idyllic waterhole. Two rivers meet here, forming a perfect hollow like a giant bath to swim in. Bare-bottomed youngsters come to watch you flop about in the cool stream: a shabby bunch of whities with fancy cameras and high-tech outdoor gear and energy bars. You find it difficult to drag wet socks back on and leave a spot like this. Even harder to imagine there was once a horrible war right where you stand.

You reckon many people come to hike the Kokoda Track to honour fallen Australians, but leave bowing down to PNG – its people and its spectacular places.

As each day passes, and the tragedy of the war comes to life with greater clarity, you become more aware of this contrast between nature at its brilliant best and humans at their violent worst.

This distinction is most obvious on Brigade Hill when Gareth, the guide, holds a service for the fallen diggers. Under the Australian and PNG flags, on top of a beautiful clearing in the wilderness, with the warm midday sun filtering through the thriving jungle, he plays a recording of the ‘Last Post’ on a little speaker. For you, the lone bugle sound has never had so much emotion in it. The porters then sing their national anthem. You note that many trekkers have tears in their eyes.

Each day melds into the next once the routine is set in. You rise early, eat, walk, eat, walk, swim, eat, sleep. Then you get up and do it all again. Despite it being the most challenging thing most of you have ever done – and will ever do – it is still a lot of fun. The moments of joy make it worth it: a smile and a wave from a cute kid, a bird call in the jungle, a game of touch footy with the boys, a colourful sunset, Henry leaving a bunch of flowers tied to your pack. These will be your lasting memories.

At the end of it all, you feel relieved more than elated or excited. You also feel like you could sleep for a week.

As you leave The Track and make your way out of the jungle and back home, you think again about patriotism being highjacked by the wrong team.

Hiking the Kokoda Track has made you think it might be worth trying to win back a few points and even the score. It won’t be easy. But nothing worth achieving ever is. In New Guinea pidgin there’s an expression that means to go on a journey. The phrase is ‘throwim way leg’. It refers to the important action of lifting a leg to take the first step of what can be a very long walk.

50 Epic Places to Stay

King of the castle on the Amalfi coast, Italy.
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SUN, SEA AND SAND

Torre Trasita
Positano, Italy

Lord it up above the turquoise waters of the Amalfi Coast and play king of your very own castle with a stay at Torre Trasita. Jutting from a rocky cliff near the Italian town of Positano – once a small fishing village favoured by Romans on vacay – this former watchtower has been part of the landscape since the sixteenth century. Restored this year with all the trimmings of a seaside hotel, the torre sleeps six in style. Order insalata di frutti di mare (seafood salad) to be delivered to the blue-tiled terrace up top, and wash down 360-degree views of the town that inspired Picasso with a chilled glass of bubbles. If your creativity stirs there’s even a piano for you to play – after all, all nobles fancy a tinkle on the ivories from time to time. From about US$1212 a night.

torretrasita.it

Beachfront eco-luxury doesn't get better than a treehouse in Mexico surrounded by palm trees and cacti.
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Playa Viva
Juluchuca, Mexico

Wellness and nature come together at Playa Viva. Set on 80 hectares of beachfront land, the resort has 12 beachfront eco-luxury rooms, from casitas to suites, but the Treehouse is our kind of adventure. This tubular bamboo structure, surrounded by palm trees, features a king bed, private bathroom and lounge area, and stares directly at the Pacific Ocean. Salute the sun at a morning yoga class, devour organic meals, go horse riding along the beach, take a snorkelling or surfing excursion or get up close to nesting turtles at La Tortuga Viva, a protective sanctuary. There’s so much to explore, you might never want to leave. Treehouse from US$390 a night, inclusive of everything except alcohol.

playaviva.com

Luxury accommodation along the spectacular Great Ocean Road and gateway to the 12 Apostles.
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Alkina Lodge
Wattle Hill, Australia

It’s one of the greatest drives in the world, but luxury accommodation along the Great Ocean Road is rare. Thankfully, we’ve discovered Alkina Lodge, a trio of four-bedroom villas designed by Glenn Murcutt and Wendy Lewin. Positioned in a clearing above the Southern Ocean, they offer every facility you could need plus luxuries like a fireplace, Bose sound system and a huge, freestanding bathtub. The lodges are positioned to offer the utmost privacy while allowing guests to wake to the sight of kangaroos grazing on the lawn. Sky windows in the bathrooms and living spaces encourage lying back and enjoying a view of wafting clouds or twinkling stars. Best of all, this is a prime jumping-off point for the region’s attractions, from the 12 Apostles to the koala-rich area around Cape Otway. From US$266 a night.

alkinalodge.com.au

From your bungalow gaze at the Caribbean Sea or grab a mask and flippers and flop from your balcony into the pristine water.
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Punta Caracol Acqua Lodge

It speaks volumes that on its FAQ website page the number one suggestion for what to bring to this resort is a good book. With private terraces perched over the water at each of Punta Caracol’s bungalows – there are just nine in all, each spread across two levels – there’s plenty of temptation to just sit and stare at the Caribbean Sea’s frolicking dolphins. You’re in one of the most environmentally pristine parts of Central America though, so grab a mask and flop off the balcony onto the reef. There is superb snorkelling all around here, as well as the chance to go on boat expeditions to local Indian communities, hikes in the rainforest and tours by motorised canoe to spot sloths and white-face monkeys. Bungalows from about US$309 (for up to four people).

puntacaracol.com.pa

Cruise to West Nusa Tengarra, Komodo, Lombok and Gili on a traditional Indo sailing boat.
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Al Iikai
Serangan, Indonesia

The idea of a cruise is enough to make us want to jump overboard, but we’d make an exception for this beauty. Once this pinisi (a traditional Indonesian sailing boat) carted backpackers around the Indonesian islands, but with a change of owner – Amanda Zsebik used to run private villas and a restaurant in Bali – came a complete refit. Now there are just five king-size bedrooms, all with an en suite, plus one family bunk room, to accommodate a maximum of 16 people. But it’s the places you’ll see – itineraries include a cruise to West Nusa Tengarra, Komodo or around the uninhabited islands near Lombok and Gili – that will take your breath away. There’s plenty of time for snorkelling, lying on deserted beaches or visiting far-flung attractions like pearl farms. Prices start at US$1279 a person for the seven-day Island Explorer cruise. During 2017, anyone booking a sailing itinerary will also receive three nights’ complimentary accommodation in a private two-bedroom Bali villa.

indonesianislandsail.com

The Maldives...where your only decision is between an afternoon in your private pool or crystal-clear ocean water.
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Soneva Jani
Noonu Atoll, Maldives

Remember being a kid and wishing the stairs in your house could be swapped with a slide? Live the dream at the new Soneva Jani, where you can select a deluxe overwater bungalow with a chute that takes you from bed to lagoon in an instant. From Malé airport in the Maldives, a private seaplane will whisk you over some of the nation’s 1190 coral islands to your own wooden castle perched out over crystal-clear water. Here the hardest decision you’ll have is deciding between an afternoon in your private pool or joining the fish in the ocean. One-bedroom Water Retreat from US$2693 a night.

soneva.com

You will never want to leave The Sands at Chale Island, we guarantee!
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The Sands at Chale Island
Diani Beach, Kenya

There is an islet in Kenya so private and romantic that even Cupid couldn’t have dreamed of it. The Suite on the Rocks, a thatch-roof natural beauty exuding tranquility, is connected to the Sands at Chale Island resort by a stone bridge. The centre of the room will have you lost for words. There’s a walled garden beneath an open roof that lets rain trickle in to create an atmosphere resembling that of an indoor rainforest. Spend the days watching fishermen in dhows sailing by as you sprawl on the sun terrace. Then, as the evening arrives, pop the champagne and immerse into your hot tub on the cliff face. From about US$848, including meals.

thesandsatchaleisland.com

Get amongst the monkeys in your own award winning Costa Rican treetop house.
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Treetop House
Malpais, Costa Rica

You’ll feel like you’re part of the family of chattering monkeys that live in the surrounding trees in this beautiful home perched over the jungle and facing the Pacific Ocean. Shortlisted for House of the Year by World Architecture News, the residence designed by local architect Benjamin Garcia Saxe is constructed in three individual sections, each linked by walkways. It’s made from teak and bamboo and utilises solar panelling and UV water systems to minimise the environmental impact. Three bedrooms sleep up to seven people, plus there’s a pool positioned below the house for soaking while the sun sets. There are some spectacular surf beaches just down the road too, and the town of Santa Teresa is a 10-minute drive away for when you need to restock your supplies. From about US$589 a night.

boutique-homes.com

The Hideout is tucked between a rice field and a river in the mountains near the Gunung Agung volcano.
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INTO THE WILD

Hideout
Bali, Indonesia

Most presume the Bali of old was sucked into Kuta’s juice bars, but pockets exist that still offer the same magic travellers fell for many years ago. One such place is the Hideout, a double-storey bamboo abode for up to four guests perched between a rice field and a river in the mountains near the Gunung Agung volcano, a 90-minute drive from Denpasar. Decked out with musical instruments, art supplies and a resident kitty, it is the ideal place to relax and let creativity flow. Cool off in the river with huge butterflies kissing your skin and watch the waterwheel churn to give the Hideout extra electricity. Visit the nearby Campuhan, the sacred confluence of two rivers, where the Balinese go to cleanse body and soul and perform spiritual ceremonies. At night, ride the house’s scooter to a warung (casual restaurant) in a nearby village and return to laze in the hammock, listen to frogs and spot fireflies blazing in the jungle. From US$98 a night.

hideoutbali.wordpress.com

Explorers suffered for you to enjoy these luxurious domes located on the ice cliffs of remote Antarctica...and you will enjoy!
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Camp Witchaway
Antarctica

After getting stuck in a storm on a 1850-kilometre scramble across Antarctica, a team of explorers decided to set up a camp with everything they lacked during those four gruelling days. Situated next to an ice cliff, deep in the interior where few travellers ever venture, Camp Witchaway offers six luxurious domes, where guests lounge on leather and nosh on gourmet food rather than voyage rations.

Its zero-impact policy means waste is flown out, emissions offset and the 24-hour sunlight harnessed for power. Away from base you’ll visit ice caves and 6000 penguins in Atka Bay, and even jet to the South Pole if you choose. Nine-night trips start at US$43,450

white-desert.com

Surrounded by prehistoric rock formations, there's no wi-fi, phone or reception at Damaraland, Namibia but you won't miss it.
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Sorris Sorris
Damaraland, Namibia

Stop, sit and breathe. Notice how quiet it is? That’s because the nearest lodge is a hundred kilometres away and the desert, pocked with prehistoric rock formations, flows past the Brandberg Massif – Namibia’s highest mountain – and out to meet the horizon. There’s no wi-fi, phone reception or worries. Perfect. Nine bright and luxurious suites – think walls of stone and rammed earth, pale wood interiors and creative lighting – sit among a dramatic pile of balanced granite boulders. A lounge rises above the rocks and the pool offers respite from the heat. Desert-adapted elephants romp in the dusty bed of the Ugab River system nearby, and you’ll have the chance to watch them search for underground water – if you’ve managed to tear yourself away from the resort, that is. From about US$804 per person, all inclusive.

namibia-exclusive.com

These off the grid NZ pods have walls made of glass and have views of snow-capped peaks.
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PurePods
Kaikoura, New Zealand

Hide away in your own slice of heaven. There are two PurePods about 20 minutes from Kaikoura (a third is located an hour from Christchurch), but each is located in a different spot to ensure complete privacy. And you need it, since the walls here are all made of glass. On a warm day, throw them open to completely surround yourself in fresh air and birdsong. In winter, you can lie in bed and stare out over snow-capped peaks. The pods are off-grid, but have everything you could need, as well as excellent extras like binoculars, reference books and board games. Bring food with you or have breakfast and dinner hampers delivered. About US$316 a night.

purepods.com

Get your sc-fi on inside your very own transparent luxurious bubble. Beam me up Scotty.
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Finn Lough
Enniskillen, Northern Ireland

If spending a night under the stars excites you, but pitching canvas does not, experience Northern Ireland’s lush landscape from a Bubble Dome. The sphere’s transparent walls and ceiling offer 180-degree views of the surrounding forest, making you feel like you’re in your own world. As darkness falls, sink into your four-poster bed or kick back in a lounge chair by the fireplace and, if the weather gods are on your side, turn your eyes skyward to marvel at the Milky Way. For the ultimate stargazing experience, enjoy a glass of bubbly while soaking in a luxe stone bathtub in the Premium Bubble Dome. From about US$228 a night, including breakfast.

finnlough.com

A zen fusion of comfort, eco-sustainability and culture in remote China.
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Norden Camp
Gannan, China

Travel often takes us back in time and Norden Camp is no exception. Built by Tibetan nomads, the retreat has been designed to share the heritage of the land and people with its guests, fusing comfort and eco-sustainability with culture. Eight log cabins constructed from pine found in the woodlands and four hand-spun yak-hair tents dot the countryside, each featuring timber floors, luxe bedding and local antiquities. The land is untouched by mainstream development so the seasonal produce – herbs, yak milk and black pig – is completely organic and used to create unique delicacies. Immerse yourself in the quiet surrounds with yoga, go horseback riding across the valley, or visit the famous monastic village of Labrang. Out here, it’s all about disconnecting from modern society – after all, you’ve got nothing but time. Tents from US$259 a night, log cabins from US$424 a night; both including meals.

nordentravel.com

Even wanted to sleep on skis? Don't worry this luxurious cube overlooking the Dolomite mountains ain't going nowhere.
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Starlight Room
Dolomites, Italy

Snag a front-row seat to watch the sun set and stars sparkle over the UNESCO World Heritage-listed Dolomite Mountains without ever leaving your bed. Dropped into the snow at an altitude of 2055 metres above sea level, this sled-turned-glass cube bedroom (don’t worry, the skis are just for show) immerses guests in the snowy peaks of northern Italy. Col Gallina ski resort is a few kilometres away and the room is accessible via snowmobile or by strapping on a pair of snowshoes and traipsing there. The angle of the double bed is adjustable, so you can get the best view of the constellations while you’re toasty under the covers. From US$298 per night, including breakfast and dinner.

Email rifugio.colgallina@dolomiti.org to book.

A restored farmhouse, cottages, and mountain suites located on 600 hectares for you to explore or simply enjoy each other's company.
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Naries Namakwa
Springbok, South Africa

Listen carefully when you’ve settled on the deck outside your domed suite. What you hear is the sound of nature. That’s the attraction of this property located on 600 hectares almost 30 kilometres outside the town of Springbok. When you’ve toured Cape Town and safari’d to your heart’s content, it’s the perfect spot to reconnect with yourself and the wilderness. There’s a restored farmhouse and cottages, as well as these three mountain suites, created from rock and thatch and wedged between boulders. You can go hiking, loll about the pool or head out to explore the area. Namaqualand is a barren landscape on South Africa’s west coast, best known for copper mining and the spectacular profusion of wildflowers that blankets the red earth after the winter rains between August and October. It’s a sight you’ll never forget. Mountain suites from US$203 a night.

naries.co.za

Reconnect with your sense of self in this Sri Lankan luxurious, minimalist wellness retreat.
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Santani
Kandy, Sri Lanka

Strip everything away and the mind begins to clear. That’s the thinking behind Sri Lanka’s first wellness retreat, where the doors opened in August. Located in the countryside about an hour from Kandy, it overlooks lush hills and terraced tea plantations. The design is minimalist in the extreme, although the concrete bunker styling of the saltwater soaking room and sleek lines of the infinity pool will dazzle lovers of architectural form. There’s no wi-fi or televisions, encouraging guests to reconnect with their sense of self and the world around them. Days are filled with hikes, yoga, swimming in the river, mountain biking and indulging in massages, reiki and ayurvedic treatments. Programs run for between three and 14 days, although Santani can accommodate shorter visits. Double rooms from about US$440 a night, including meals and activities (treatments extra).

santani.lk

Colorado comfort glamping for those who like the outdoor experience but can't let go of home.
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Dunton River Camp
Dolores, USA

For those who like the idea of being at one with the great outdoors, but can’t imagine life without a hot bath, there’s glamping on this Colorado property about 50 kilometres from Telluride. Eight tents – each with handcrafted beds, gas fireplaces and full-sized tubs – are located either on the banks of the Dolores River or in a forest tall with blue spruce and ponderosa pines. Meals are served at the renovated farmhouse, where there’s also a bar on the veranda overlooking the Wilson Range. Guests can also get a shuttle to the nearby Dunton Hot Springs resort, built in a former ghost town, to soak in the healing waters. Go horse riding in the High Rockies, mountain biking, hiking, rock climbing, fly fishing (there are guides for beginners) or relax with a massage or body treatment in the spa tent. About US$1286 a night.

duntonrivercamp.com

Nang Prai Raft House may seem basic but sometimes the simple things in life are the most rewarding.
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Nang Prai Raft House
Khao Sok National Park, Thailand

Epic doesn’t always have to equal expensive. These simple bamboo raft houses in southern Thailand, about halfway between the Andaman and Gulf of Thailand coasts, are about as basic as you can get (no hot showers, shared bathrooms, electricity for only a few hours each evening), but the vast expanse of Cheow Lan Lake outside the door and the jungle beyond are like another world. There are kayaks aplenty for exploring the shoreline, where karsts erupt from the lake, waterfalls cascade in the jungle and the rainforests, home to elephants, deer, gibbons and bears, are some of the oldest in the world. It is one of the wettest parts of Thailand, so best to plan your adventure between December and April. Overnight private tours from US$291 a couple.

khaosoklake.com

Views of the Northern lights from your igloo. Take me to Blachford Lake Lodge now!
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Blachford Lake Lodge
Yellowknife, Canada

Regular readers of get lost may have noticed our slight obsession with auroras. Imagine our delight (read: insane frenzy) when we discovered you could spend a night in an igloo with just the icy wilderness and dancing colours of the northern lights as company. Guests who stay at Blachford Lake Lodge, located in Canada’s northern wilderness and primo aurora-viewing territory, have just this option. During the day you can go snowmobiling, cross-country skiing, ice fishing or skating, then bed down beneath the night-long entertainment. Just let the booking people know you want to have the igloo experience – it doesn’t cost any extra – when you make a reservation. Cabins from US$812 for two nights, all inclusive.

blachfordlakelodge.com

Eco-friendly pods in Sierra del Segura with hiking trails, a natural swimming pool overlooked by hammocks, fruit trees and 2000 kms of trails to explore.
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Igloos from the outside, uber cool retro on the inside is win win.
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Otro Mundo
Elche de la Sierra, Spain

Want to escape the city’s hustle and bustle and commune with nature, but can’t be bothered with tent pegs and sleeping bags? Otro Mundo is your answer. Located in the hills of the Sierra del Segura in Spain’s south, these two eco-friendly pods – one for a couple, the other for a family of up to five – look a little like igloos with hip retro-inspired interiors. Around the camp, there’s a natural swimming pool overlooked by hammocks, fruit trees where you can pick a snack and loads of hiking trails. Take to two wheels to make the most of the 2000 kilometres of mountain bike trails or wander to isolated waterfalls. Experience this wild part of Spain for yourself because, after all, there’s no place like dome. From US$71 a night.

otro-mundo.com

You may be sleeping basic but there's plenty of activities to bring out your inner Viking.
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This Kolarbyn Eco-Lodge looks like a hobbit's abode but that's its charm. Chop wood, hike, fish and take a moose safari.
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Kolarbyn Eco-Lodge
Skinnskatteberg, Sweden

Bring out your inner Viking with an adventure deep in a Swedish spruce forest. Twelve tiny charcoal huts, covered with earth to protect them from the elements, each house two single beds covered with animal skins, an open fireplace and candles for light (there’s no electricity or running water). Spartan? Yes. But that’s part of the joy. The rest is found in the activities: wilderness hikes, a moose safari, swims in the lake followed by time in the floating sauna, trout fishing and snowshoeing in the winter. You chop your own wood and cook your own meals, so it’s pretty much the perfect destination for anyone wanting to get back to basics. You still can, of course, bring chocolate and wine. About US$55 per person a night.

kolarbyn.se

An eco-lodge deep in the African wilderness...have brekkie cooked traditionally and then head out to hang with baboons.
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Mandina Stilted Lodge
Makasutu, The Gambia

What began as a reafforestation project has culminated in a luxuriously rustic eco-lodge deep in the African wilderness. There are river and forest lodges at Mandina, but the most elegant by far is the Stilted Lodge, perched over the Gambia River. Spread over two levels, there’s a four-poster bed in the main room, a hammock on the deck and a day room from where you can watch life on the river. Live the life of a modern-day Tarzan and Jane and explore with your own guide. A favourite trip is the Bush Trackers Breakfast, where you rise at dawn to follow baboons into the forest then have a breakfast cooked the traditional way – on a shovel over the campfire. Stilted Lodge from about US$1490 a person for a seven-night stay.

mandinalodges.com

Sleek, architectural brilliance on the Sea of Cortez, Mexico.
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LUXE

Mar Adentro Cabos
San Jose del Cabo, Mexico

Step into the future – a world of clean lines and of white, black and blue – at Mar Adentro Cabos. With a whopping 198 rooms, the hotel is way bigger than the type of stay that usually catches our attention, but, somehow, this architectural wonder manages to make it feel as though you’ve got the place to yourself. Its white, cubic buildings rise from a lagoon, with a black-tiled infinity pool and the nest – a lounge partially sunk beneath the liquid – accessible via an inky walkway that cuts across the water. When the light is right the buildings cast reflections, giving the illusion that you’re floating somewhere in the middle. It’s all rather fitting for a place with a name that means ‘sea inside’. In the rooms wood softens the monochrome palette and your lighting, music and curtains are all controlled with the swipe of a tablet. When you’re not lazing on your terrace or on the white sands that stretch between the hotel and the Sea of Cortez, there’s a lounge and art gallery to keep you entertained. Doubles from US$365 per night.

maradentrocabos.com

Maritime themed rooms in Umea, Stora Hotellet with chandeliers made from rope and bunks for beds.
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Stora Hotellet
Umea, Sweden

Ahoy, me hearties! What have we got here? In the maritime town of Umea, Stora Hotellet has been a refuge for salty ol’ sea dogs since 1895. Then, the Seaman’s Mission built what was the grandest hotel in the city, and soon members of high society were mixing with sailors on leave. To celebrate Umea’s anointment as the European Capital of Culture in 2015, these historic digs were given a full nip and tuck. The six room categories are named for sailors’ preoccupations and elements of the decor – a chandelier made from rope and plexiglass that resembles a ship’s rigging and antique scientific equipment on display in the drawing room – represent the hotel’s former life. The Superstition rooms, although compact, have deluxe bunk beds inspired by a boat’s cabin tucked into the hotel’s eaves, while the larger suites are more like you’d expect on the upper deck of a luxury liner (although one from a grander age). The super-cool restaurant, named after the hotel’s first manager, Gotthard Zetterberg, serves dishes given the names of other seaports around the world. Double rooms from US$104.

storahotelletumea.se

This former Soviet resort has stunning views of the Caucasus Mountains and has its own library and casino.
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Rooms Hotel Kazbegi
Stepantsminda, Georgia

The brutal architecture of this hotel leaves no doubt as to its provenance. With a spectacular backdrop of the Caucasus Mountains, this former Soviet resort has left all other traces of its past behind. An extensive renovation saw the whole exterior clad in timber, while the 156 rooms are simple but comfortable. It’s the public spaces – an epic indoor pool, extensive library, casino and lounge bar and patio – teamed with a landscape like nothing you may have ever seen before that give this spot the edge. After dinner, take a seat by the open fire, vodka in hand, and be mesmerised by the scene of snow-capped mountains that rise to the stars. All you’ll be missing is a cigar. Luckily, they’re rolled right in the hotel lobby. From US$108 a night.

roomshotels.com

Overlooking the Mediterranean Sea and historic walls of Acre, the Efendi is a 10 min walk from the beach and 100 metres from the promenade.
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Efendi Hotel
Acre, Israel

Look out at the Mediterranean Sea and over the ancient city walls from the rooms of this historic hotel in Israel’s far north. Well-known local chef Uri Jeremias spent eight years meticulously merging and bringing two ancient houses – the homes of Ottoman rulers in the nineteenth century, built on ruins dating back as far as the sixth century – back to life to open Efendi. Over three levels, each with its own communal salon, are 12 rooms exhibiting many of the original features, from arched windows to restored wooden ceilings. The grandest even have sun terraces and claw-foot baths beneath the windows. In the hotel’s spa you’ll find a 400-year-old Turkish bath, and a wine bar, featuring Israeli drops, is located in a Crusader-era cellar. Jeremias’s popular restaurant, Uri Buri, is just a five-minute walk away. Double rooms from about US$281 a night.

efendi-hotel.co.il

Jing’s Residence
Pingyao, China

You may not have heard of this Chinese city, but we’re going to give you an excellent reason to add it to your itinerary. Sure, its Old Town is listed by UNESCO – it has some of the best preserved Ming and Qing architecture in the country – but you can pretend you’ve entered another era in this renovated mansion once owned by a silk merchant. Its 19 rooms, all arranged around a courtyard, have a local air: bed heads are crafted from lacquer or silk, floors are made of bamboo and ceilings of rice paper, and beds are fashioned like traditional kangs, the heated, raised sleeping platforms of northern China. Take part in a hotpot meal in the courtyard, relax in the spa or spend some time wandering the streets of Pingyao and browsing in the curio shops. From US$200 a night.

jingsresidence.com

You won't find gadgets and flat screen TVs at Areias do Seixo...the sensory experience is aesthetic.
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Areias do Seixo
Torres Vedras, Portugal

It’s easy to feel drained in our overstimulated society, but here the motto is sem hora marcada – take your time – and Areias do Seixo delivers in spades. The design and architecture ooze intimacy and ambience in the hotel’s 14 rooms and three villas, creatively transforming each space using elements of concrete, steel, wood and glass. Here it’s all about savouring the moment, so you won’t find TVs and gadgets in your abode – they’ve been swapped for a private jacuzzi, plush bedding, stylish fireplace and waterfront terrace, all carefully curated for a sensory experience. Wander through the dunes to the beach, enjoy wine and nibbles at the nightly bonfire, or catch some rays by the infinity pool. Expect to embrace what it means simply to feel; don’t expect a desire to leave. Rooms start from about US$475 a night.

areiasdoseixo.com

It's not every day that one experiences life as a royal. Built in the 1780s Tivoli Palacio de Seteais is a palatial wonderland restored to perfection.
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Tivoli Palacio de Seteais looks like it belongs in a bygone era, but your time can be spent either lazing by the pool, or for the more adventurous helicopter flights and horse riding.
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Halls at Tivoli Palacio de Seteais are lined with priceless antiques and art and music from harpists fills the air.
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Tivoli Palacio de Seteais
Sintra, Portugal

Famed for its castles, palaces and wild gardens, the tiny town of Sintra is one of Portugal’s shining stars. Experience it just like a royal, with a stay at the luxurious Tivoli Palácio de Seteais. Built on a hillside in the 1780s, this five-star, 30-room estate has been lovingly restored to resemble a palace of worlds past. Days can be spent soaking up the Portuguese sun by the infinity pool, with fresh lemonade, crushed from the fruit in the gardens, delivered to your day bed. This is a prime spot to see the sun set over the ocean too or, better yet, opt for a suite with your very own terrace, and watch as the Atlantic sends mist swirling over Pena Palace on the mountain above you. Wander the halls lined with priceless antiques and carpets worth as much as your university degree and kick back with a book – perhaps by Lord Byron, who wrote of Sintra as a “glorious Eden” – in one of the sitting rooms. At night, chandeliers illuminate the frescoes on the walls and music from a harpist dances in the air. You’ve probably guessed it by now – Seteais is so beautiful you won’t want to leave, but exploring the UNESCO World Heritage town before the crowds arrive is one of the best parts of a stay. Then there are the hotel’s activities… Helicopter flights and horse riding adventures are all on the cards, but if you prefer to keep your feet on the ground head to the striking cliffs that form the westernmost point of Europe. Your guide, selected from Walk Hike Portugal, will share secrets of the area with you, including lunch at a local haunt where you’ll devour a feast of clams, prawns and fish chosen from the day’s catch, before rolling you back to the pool. Yep, a day trip to Sintra is far from enough. Doubles from US$281 a night, including breakfast.

tivolihotels.com

Surrounded by lavender fields and olive groves these French guesthouses boast contemporary design, art and antiquities chosen by the owners.
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Domaine des AndEols
Saint-Saturnin-lEs-Apt, France

What was originally a family home is now an extraordinary estate in the heart of Provence. Surrounded by lavender fields, cypress trees and olive groves are 10 separate guesthouses. Although each boasts contemporary design and art and antiquities chosen by the owners, they are completely different. There’s one decked out like a safari lodge, and another with a high-gloss floor the colour of the Mediterranean sky and provocative photography on display. On a sunny day, the meals created at the restaurant, using locally grown fruit, vegetables and olive oil, are served on a deck beneath a centuries-old plane tree. Find a lounger by the pool or book a relaxing massage at the spa. From US$190 a night.

andeols.com

Located on a 250 ha peninsula the Lough Erne Resort tastefully blends heritage and modern extravagance. There's golf, sailing or wind down with a massage at the resort’s Thai-inspired spa.
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Lough Erne Resort
Enniskillen, Northern Ireland

Swish resorts don’t usually tug at our heartstrings, but sometimes a property comes along that breaks all our rules. Located in the Fermanagh Lakelands on a private 250-hectare peninsula, this resort blends heritage and modern extravagance. Lodges and turrets, featuring decadent trimmings and spectacular views, line the glassy waters of Castle Hume Lough. For golfers there are two championship courses. If swinging isn’t your thing, there’s still plenty to do. Sail across Lough Erne to little isles for a picnic among historic ruins then treat yourself to a massage at the resort’s Thai-inspired spa before an evening of farm-to-table fine dining at Catalina Restaurant. Doubles from about US$170 a night.

lougherneresort.com

Perched upon a granite hill with 360-degree views of Rajasthani landscape, this 230-year-old fort contains wellness centre, pool, four restaurants and juice bar.
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Alila Fort Bishangarh
Bishangarh, India

Those who’ve travelled around Rajasthan will tell you that around every bend in the road you’ll see an ancient fort. This, after all, was the land where local tribes fought off invaders and each other for centuries. Alila Hotels and Resorts has recently converting a 230-year-old fort into a luxury hotel, with 59 suites, a wellness centre, pool, four restaurants and juice bar. Like all Alila properties, there will also be an on-site concierge team organising guest activities, from culinary expeditions to cultural journeys. Plus, the hotel is just an hour from the pink city of Jaipur. Double rooms from about US$152 a night.

alila.com

These ancient cave dwellings in the UNESCO World Heritage listed Matera have been transformed into a luxurious 18-room boutique hotel.
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Sextantio Le Grotte Della Civita
Matera, Italy

Imagine, if you can, people living in caves dug into the side of a ravine 7000 years ago. That was how this hotel began its existence. The sassi are ancient cave dwellings that, until the late 1980s, were inhabited by the poor of Matera, a village in Italy’s south. With the rise in tourism, some have been transformed, including Le Grotte Della Civita, which is now a unique 18-room boutique hotel. The whole town is UNESCO World Heritage listed, so each of the caves housing a suite has been carefully conserved and retains its original shape and materials. The interior design is minimal and true to the formation’s origins, the candlelit restaurant is set in a former church and even the spa is housed within rough-hewn walls. Double rooms from US$250 a night.

designhotels.com

Intimate and homely accomodation at Nomad House. Expect a personal guided tour of Essaouira by the owner highlighting sights and local treasures.
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URBAN

Nomad House
Essaouira, Morocco

It’s easy to be distracted by the amazing decor – a clever blend of tribal and modernist – of this amazing four-bedroom villa near the old medina in the coastal town of Essaouira, but it’s the little things that make it exceptional. When you and up to seven of your closest friends arrive, the owner will be there to offer a guided tour of the surrounds and tell you exactly where all the best local restaurants, hammams and activities can be found (they’re also listed in a handy booklet). And while the rooms are definitely a sight for sore, travel-weary eyes, there are plenty of opportunities to catch a few rays even without strolling to the nearby beach. Nomad House is built around a central courtyard, there’s a large terrace complete with hammock on the second floor, and the top floor bedroom also has a private patio. From about US$1015 a week.

boutique-homes.com

The Silo is a converted grain silo that sits above the six-storey Zeitz Museum of Contemporary Art Africa, with stunning views of the harbour, city and Robben Island.
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The Silo
Cape Town, South Africa

Like everywhere else in the world, the working waterfront in Cape Town isn’t working as hard as it once did, so for the past three decades – give or take a few years – there’s been a move to convert sections of it into mixed-use residential, tourism and retail developments. The latest addition is the Silo luxury hotel. It has just 28 rooms located in the elevator tower of a grain silo that was decommissioned in 2001. It sits above the six-storey Zeitz Museum of Contemporary Art Africa, with views of the harbour, city and Robben Island. The glass rooftop swimming pool and bar is sure to become the must-chill destination for the city’s most stylish denizens. Double rooms from about US$795 a night.

theroyalportfolio.com

The Hotel Provocateur is uber cool Berlin that takes inspiration from 1920's Paris.
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Hotel Provocateur
Berlin, Germany

You already know Berlin is one of the coolest cities in Europe – if not the world. With its creative culture, gritty bars and high-octane nightlife, the place has urban style sorted. Enter Hotel Provocateur, a new 58-room Design Hotels member shaking things up since its opening in 2017. Forget the industrial look that’s swept through the design scene lately and enter a world of burlesque that channels the glamour of 1920s Paris. Once your eyes adjust to the light you’ll spot glimmering chandeliers, shadowy corners perfect for whispering sweet nothings, blood red, onyx and gold furnishings, and fabrics begging for your touch. A restaurant run by star chef Duc Ngo will open on site, because playing temptress is ravenous work. Doubles from US$120.

designhotels.com

Located in a building from the 1600s, G-Rough, Italy is all class and a 3-minute walk from Piazza Navona, and 2 km from The Colosseum.
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G-Rough
Rome, Italy

When we first went to Italy’s capital as teenaged backpackers, we stayed in spare rooms in a nun’s quarters. Not exactly party central. You can understand, then, our excitement arriving at this treasure. Around the corner from Piazza Navona and with five-star features, G-Rough is anything but. Within the raw concrete walls of each of its 10 suites, set in a building from the 1600s, are pieces of furniture by famed Italian designers including Gio Ponti. The wine bar is a much more luxe space, but its best-kept secret is the tiny roof terrace. Wait until the sun is dropping from the sky and head up here with an Aperol spritz to watch the sky, with its horizon of tiled roofs and cathedral domes, turn golden. From about US$305 a night.

designhotels.com

No need to BYO vinyl at Sir Adam. These music themed rooms come with Crosley turntables, records, original artwork and mirrors etched with lyrics.
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Sir Adam
Amsterdam, The Netherlands

We’re all up for a bit of urban redevelopment and this is one of the best examples happening anywhere in the world at the moment. The 22 storeys of the Toren Overhoeks are undergoing a complete overhaul with a musical edge to become A’DAM Tower. Here, you’ll find music schools, nightclubs and a number of restaurants, including Moon, which revolves to offer 360-degree views of the city. Be close to all this action at Sir Adam, which opens in 2017. Not surprisingly, there’s a music theme to its low-key luxe rooms, with Crosley turntables, vinyl records, original artwork and mirrors etched with lyrics. The huge windows are also decked out with benches so you can look out over the city while listening to some fresh beats. From about US$142 a night.

designhotels.com

An alternative B&B in the heart of music city with uniquely themed rooms and surrounded by farm-to-table restaurants, craft coffee and live music.
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Urban Cowboy
Nashville, USA

For all the artists, designers, adventurers and wanderers, this is a home away from home. Urban Cowboy was originally a historic Victorian mansion until it was transformed into the alternative B&B it is today. There are eight studio rooms all featuring claw-footed bathtubs and dream-like king beds. The design, something the owners like to call Southwestern Deco, is bold, and communal lounge areas are created to forge connections. Whether you’re a musician, artist or whiskey connoisseur, you’ll be right at home. The mansion, in hip East Nashville, is surrounded by farm-to-table restaurants, craft coffee and live music. It’s also only a five-minute drive to Downtown, where honky-tonks pump out songs and shots till the early hours. From about US$175 a night.

urbancowboybnb.com

With its galvanised steel, textured concrete, patterned marble, and raw timber, Tin Hau won't be everyone's bag but it certainly has plenty of tongues wagging.
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Tuve
Tin Hau, Hong Kong

Patterned marble, galvanised steel, textured concrete and raw timber are the over-riding materials used in the 66 rooms of this boutique hotel. It seems like minimalism in the extreme, with local architects Design Systems using a series of photos of a Swedish lake – rocks partly submerged and mists swirling – as the unlikely inspiration. Natural light is also utilised, with translucent wired glass, a material more often seen in offices, separating bed and bathroom. In the ground floor restaurant, Silver Room, where folds of metal create privacy between tables, the menu has a decidedly Japan-meets-Italy vibe. It won’t be everyone’s stripped-back glass of fizzy water, but it’s certainly a game changer in bigger-is-better Hong Kong. From about AU$110 a night.

tuve.hk

These concrete cabins of Hoshinoya Fuji combine camping and luxury with a minimalist Japanese aesthetic and are located in a tranquil red pine forrest.
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HIT LIST

Hoshinoya Fuji
Yamanashi, Japan

Imagine soaking in a tub and watching clouds unravel from Japan’s most iconic site, the snowy cone of Mount Fuji. Set in a red pine forest marked with craters and ice caves, the concrete cabins of Hoshinoya Fuji blend the worlds of camping and luxury with a minimalist Japanese aesthetic. Echoing an American summer camp, the glampsite offers horseback riding, tours through the infamous Aokigahara Forest, star watching and whiskey sipping near the campfire at night. Rise with the sun and set out in a canoe to paddle Kawaguchi, one of Mount Fuji’s five lakes. If you’re lucky you’ll witness the famous volcano mirrored in the glassy water. Doubles from US$555 a night.

hoshinoyafuji.com

If your childhood dream was to sleep in a car bed, the V8 Hotel has you covered. For automotive enthusiasts there's also a museum, flight simulator, and indoor theme park.
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V8 Hotel
Stuttgart, Germany

Get your motor running in one of the themed rooms at this ode to the engine. Located in the heart of Motorworld, where there’s a museum, flight simulator, indoor theme park, restaurants, a brewery and outlet shopping mall, this former airport hotel has smart suites with artwork bearing an automotive scene. It’s the beds set up between car wash brushes or kitted out like a roadside camp on Route 66, however, that really rev the beating of our hearts. Top of the line is the Mercedes Suite with a car bonnet at the end of the bed and a sundeck overlooking the countryside. Themed rooms from about US$180 a night.

v8hotel.de

This elephant eco-hotel in Sri Lanka is completely crafted from wood and straw.
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Kumbuk River Elephant Villa
Buttala, Sri Lanka

Dumbo would be proud to know that one of the world’s most unusual eco-hotels takes his shape. This two-storey villa has an open lounge on the upper deck and two extra-large bedrooms downstairs, all crafted from wood and straw. With its lush river location, about 260 kilometres from Colombo, guests can take advantage of all the resort’s activities, including nature walks, bird watching and rafting. If living inside an elephant doesn’t soothe your pangs for pachyderms, take a day trip to Yala National Park where you can spot leopards, water buffalo, sloth bears and, of course, Sri Lankan elephants. From US$125 a night for two people.

kumbukriver.com

Where did you go last summer Carol? We took the kids to The Netherlands and stayed in a crane. You what? Yeah it has 360-degree views of Harlingen harbour.
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Harlingen Harbour Crane
Frise, Netherlands

It’s time to add ‘stay the night on a crane’ to your bucket list, just so you can tick it off here. Perched beside the Wadden Sea, the crane, which was built in 1967 and unloaded timber until 1996, offers 360-degree views of historic Harlingen from its retreat for two in the machine room. Head up a set of stairs and you’re in the cabin. Here, you can tentatively swing from left to right like you’ve always seen but never done. If you can pull yourself away from your real-life Tonka truck, head down the lift to the ground and explore the beautiful ports and Harlingen lighthouse. From AU$470 per night.

havenkraan.nl

Surrounded by volcanoes, CotopaxiPungo resembles a traditional colonial estate, complete with wooden floors and antiques. Ohh and it's carefully positioned to escape any hot magma just in case.
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CotopaxiPungo
Valle de los Chillos, Ecuador

Ecuador may be famous for the Galapagos, but there’s another attraction just as great as blue-footed boobies – volcanoes. In fact, the country does them so well there’s an entire Avenue of Volcanoes, a 320-kilometre stretch that runs south from the capital, Quito, with seven huge peaks sprouting from the earth. The luxurious, 20-room CotopaxiPungo is set among them, carefully positioned to escape any hot magma that might ooze a path of destruction should one monster mountain blow its lid. It is, however, within view of some of the finest, including the snow-capped cone of Cotopaxi, which rumbled back to life last year sending whorls of smoke into the air. The hotel itself resembles a traditional hacienda (colonial estate), complete with wooden floors, antiques and cosy fires to warm those chilly nights. And, sitting at 3350 metres, it does get cold up here. Spend your days exploring the Andes on horseback, visiting waterfalls, spying hummingbirds and testing your photography skills with tips from manager Juan Carlos, who’s an expert at snapping the giants. Return for honest, local cuisine in the dining room with 180-degree views of the landscape and the lights of Quito glimmering in the distance. Doubles from AU$224 a night.

cotopaxipungo.com

Designed by Grayson Perry and FAT Architecture A House for Essex is inspired by fairy tales, shrines and baroque architecture.
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Get immersed in the fictional life of Julie Cope, who the designers have created an entire backstory for. Architectural eccentricity at its finest!
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A House for Essex
Wrabness, UK

Anything designed by Grayson Perry is sure to have more than a touch of the kooky about it, and this holiday house, inspired by fairy tales, shrines and baroque architecture, is no exception. Perry, in conjunction with architectural firm FAT, created the two-bedroom home based on a character called Julie, for whom he produced an entire backstory. It’s just one of a number of homes in a series by Living Architecture, an organisation that aims to increase appreciation of architecture by offering immaculately designed properties at reasonable rates. We love everything about it, from the ceramic green and while tiles (depicting safety pins, cassettes and hearts) covering the exterior to the Lego-like kitchen. From $1285 for two nights (for up to four guests).

living-architecture.co.uk

The stunning Kasbah Du Toubkal sits upon a hill facing the snowy peak of Jbel Toubkal. There's a hammam to steam sore muscles after a day's trek too.
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Kasbah Du Toubkal
Toubkal National Park, Morocco

It may not be easy to get to, but its location makes Kasbah du Toubkal exceptional. Meet your hosts in the little town of Imlil, a 90-minute drive from Marrakesh, and travel on foot to the hotel perched on the top of a hill facing the snowy peak of Jbel Toubkal, the highest mountain in North Africa. Your luggage will follow on the back of a mule – the same method used by the community to cart the stones and building materials up to the ruins of an old kasbah on which the hotel is founded. For those wishing to become more acquainted with nature, Berber guides take treks into the surrounding Atlas Mountains, with overnight stays at the hotel’s trekking lodge. Return back to base to steam your sore muscles in the hammam and sip mint tea on the terrace. Salons for two and four start at AU$235 per night.

kasbahdutoubkal.com

Isleta El Espino is a chill, off the grid eco-lodge offering yoga or there's the artisan markets in Masaya, cocoa plantation tours on horseback, or fishing with locals.
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Isleta El Espino
Granada, Nicaragua

Get the best of both worlds at Isleta El Espino. This off-grid island eco-lodge feels far from civilisation but is, in fact, just a 10-minute boat ride from the historic city of Granada. With only three boho-luxe rooms – two in thatched tree houses, the other in a bungalow – dotting the island, staying here is all about blissful exclusivity. Wake to birdsong, welcome the day on the yoga deck with monkeys watching from the trees above, and keep your eyes peeled for the chef in the garden gathering mangoes for your breakfast. Once you’ve fuelled up, take your pick of adventures: head out with a local fisherman, go to the artisan markets in Masaya, or take a cocoa plantation tour on horseback. Or you could while away the day prostrate on a deck chair overlooking Lake Nicaragua and the dormant Mombacho volcano. From about US$115 a night.

isletaelespino.com

A six-storey Balinese futuristic abode crafted out of bamboo and located on the Ayung River.
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Housing up to 11 guests Sharma Springs is part of a sustainable community yet has luxuries like media room, kids’ play room and a private garden with a pool.
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Sharma Springs
Ubud, Indonesia

Imagine a house that resembles something out of The Jetsons. Now think about how difficult that would be to build. Not only has it happened on the banks of Bali’s Ayung River, but this spectacular six-storey abode has also been created entirely from bamboo. Up to 11 people can be accommodated in its four bedrooms. Many of the living areas are open at the sides, allowing guests to feel at home in the forest, and there’s an office space (just in case you feel like you have to stay forever), media room, kids’ play room and a private garden with a pool. It’s part of a planned sustainable community only 25 minutes from Ubud, so you can head into town if you feel the need to escape all this peace and quiet. From US$630 a night.

greenvillagebali.com

After Dark Taipei

For a capital city that’s serviced by direct flights from Australia’s east coast, Taipei is underrated as a tourist destination. It’s easy to navigate thanks to a tidy, efficient railway network and after dark it becomes a lively city with modern bars and restaurants that weave between old- and modern-world charms. From art hubs to dim sum restaurants, nightclubs to night markets, Taipei’s scene once the sun goes down is a stew pot of offerings.

4pm
Start the evening by witnessing the day’s last Changing of the Guards ceremony at Chiang Kai-shek Memorial. The former Chinese government leader, whom the memorial was named after, fled to Taiwan in 1949 after losing the Chinese Civil War against the Communists. He remained in exile here until his death in 1975, aged 89, and the monument was opened five years later. Revered by some and abhorred by others, a 6.3-metre-high bronze statue of the dictatorial strongman lords over an otherwise vacant auditorium guarded by members of the various Taiwanese defence forces.

Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall
21 Zhongshan South Road, Zhongzheng

Night scene of Taipei 101 building from Elephant Mountain.
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5pm
There’s still enough sun to scale Elephant Mountain for twilight views over Taipei. Catch an MRT (Taipei Metro) train to the Red Line terminus station, Xiangshan, before the thigh-burning hike up a coiling stairway to the Six Giant Rocks Lookout, one of several on the mountain. Dominating the Taipei skyline is Taipei 101, once the world’s tallest building.

Xiangshan Hiking Trail
Alley 342, Lane 150, Section 5,
Xinyi Road, Xinyi

Wind damper on the upper levels of Taipei 101 tower.
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6pm
If that’s not enough walking for you, Taipei 101 is just a few minutes on foot from the base of Elephant Mountain. Its traditional design elements represent a bamboo stalk and Asian pagoda, but due to the threat of typhoons and earthquakes, these were given modern makeovers with a spherical steel pendulum suspended between the 92nd and 87th floors to counterbalance movements caused by wind and tremors and to ensure the skyscraper withstands its exposure to the elements. The 101-storey glass tower stretches 525 metres above the city streets. Boutique fashion houses, a food court and several restaurants fill its lower levels, and indoor and outdoor observation decks occupy the 89th and 91st floors. Access is via what was, until recently, the world’s fastest elevator, which climbs 382 metres in 37 seconds.

Taipei 101
No. 7, Section 5, Xinyi Road, Xinyi

7pm
Down in the Taipei 101 dungeons is Din Tai Fung, a restaurant specialising in dumplings and single foods, or what the Chinese call ‘small eats’. As many as 14,000 pork, shrimp, vegetable and truffle dumplings are rolled each day and an army of dumpling chefs – I counted 18 – prepare these tasty parcels behind the glass windows that connect to the front kitchen.

Din Tai Fung
B1, 45 Shifu Road, Taipei 101 Mall
dintaifung.com.tw

Songshan Cultural & Creative Park.
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8.30pm
The next port of call – Songshan Cultural and Creative Park – is a two-kilometre walk away. Five former tobacco factories have been converted into exhibition and performance spaces, and the site includes gardens, museums, galleries, bookstores and craft beer bars. Lording over them is the Eslite Spectrum shopping mall, where samples of pearl milk tea are served at Chun Shui Tang on the third floor. The teahouse claims to have invented the beverage popularly known as bubble tea, using tapioca balls as its secret ingredient.

Songshan Cultural & Creative Park
133 Guangfu South Road, Xinyi
songshanculturalpark.org

A woman sets up her stall at the Shilin Night Market.
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A corridor of stalls at Shilin Night Market.
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9.30pm
Taipei’s famed night markets are all over town. The closest to my hotel, the funky Amba Taipei Songshan, is the Raohe Night Market, which sits down a narrow pedestrian street that leads towards the Keelung River. It’s one of the oldest night markets in the city, and packed to the brim with food stalls and trinkets. From here, it’s a train ride through the MRT to Jiantan Station to get to Shilin, north of the river. A maze of alleyways is filled with stalls selling dishes whose names I can’t pronounce, though there are also noodle dishes and tempura I do recognise. Resorting to pointing and sampling bits and pieces here will ensure full bellies.

Shilin Night Market
101 Jihe Road, Shilin
shilin-night-market.com

11:30pm
Better-dressed clientele are around the corner at Draft Land. Opened in January 2018, it draws a crowd of young professionals ordering from a selection of 18 pre-mixed cocktails on tap. The bar’s owned by an award-winning mixologist, so it’s probably not a surprise that the mixes are altered every second night. There are no frilly umbrellas or fruit garnishings, just classic ingredients fused with Taiwanese influences. An example? Pandan with dark rum, cinnamon and apple.

Draft Land
2-1 Lane 248, Section 4,
Zhongxiao East Road, Da’an

Ounce speakeasy cocktail bar.
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1am
A recent innovation in Taipei is the rise of speakeasies – bars modelled on the illicit establishments that sold alcohol during the prohibition era in the US. Ounce is hidden behind a cafe and accessible through a door with multiple handles and buttons. Only one works. I make my intentions known to the Eastern European girl behind the coffee machine and she okays it with the barman, allowing me to enter. Inside is an intimate, barely lit room where female patrons outnumber men two to one. Take a seat at the bar, where the drinks are heavy on the liquor and the price tags match (around AU$20 each compared to AU$9 at Draft Land).

Ounce
309 Section 4, Xinyi Road, Da’an

2am
For late night drinks, the American barman from Ounce recommends Dick’s Place in Da’an or Tenderland in Zhongshan. Both stay open all night. With jet lag catching up, however, my hotel bed sounds more appealing.

Dancing in Hidden Valleys

My introduction to the Kalash is an odd one. In front of me is a pick-up truck packed with special forces commandos, and my own personal armed officer is slouched beside me clutching an AK-47 on his lap. His eyes are hidden behind gold-rimmed sunglasses and his young face is barely covered with a shabby beard.

We screech to a halt in the middle of the village. It is completely deserted, but the sound of frantic drumming echoes down from a nearby hillside. I set off towards the beat, my policeman following behind as I start to climb a trail of stone-lined stairs that lead around the hill.

With each step up the winding path, the drumming gets louder. The abandoned surrounds quickly turn when I reach the top as a mass of people dance around the flat top of the hillside under an open shelter topped with a corrugated roof. This is the charso, a ceremonial dancing ground for the valley, and the scene is one of colourful chaos. I pause, a little unsure of my welcome. But the worry quickly dissipates as a large man bounds towards me with open arms. “Welcome,” he calls out, embracing me before hanging a woven  red and white strip around my neck.

Wearing the ubiquitous Pakistani salwar kameez (baggy trousers and matching long shirt), he is dressed like most of the men in this part of Pakistan, but his features set him apart. He has relatively pale skin, almost blond hair and piercing light green eyes.

The dancing at the charso ground in Bumburet Valley is wilder and attracts more tourists.
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Dancing around him in short animated lines, the women are dressed in a way that is incongruous for Pakistan. Faces uncovered, they are wearing black robes decorated with coloured embroidery and floral patterns in blue, green, orange and pink. Around their necks are vast rings of brightly coloured beads, and each wears an ornately beaded headdress, consisting of a long, intricately embroidered flap and a beaded headband decorated with hundreds of tiny cowry shells.

The women circle the charso in lines, laughing raucously, as longer rows of men surge backwards and forwards with wild abandon. Most of the older men and women stand around the village shaman as he sings about stories from his people’s past, present and future. They adopt an entranced pose, with one finger touching their chins to signify their attention. Other elders partake in a solo dance, their eyes closed and their hands raised to the air, moving as if in rapture.

These are the remote Kalash people of northwest Pakistan and, after a somewhat fraught journey, I have made it here in time to witness their exuberant Chilam Joshi spring festival.

I have dreamed of visiting the Kalash Valleys ever since I saw a grainy reportage shot by Steve McCurry in a 1981 issue of National Geographic. In the story the writer, Debra Denker, spoke of meeting village leader Saifullah Jan and his then rosy-cheeked two-year-old son, Yasir. On this journey, I am introduced to Yasir, now a grown man.

Meeting Yasir is no coincidence. The Kalash people are a small indigenous group of about 3000 people, living in three remote valleys near Chitral. The valleys – Rumbur, Bumburet and Birir – are collectively known as Kalasha Desh. The Joshi festival is being held at the charso for the entire Rumbur Valley in Grum, the village where Yasir lives. I was always likely to bump into him at some point – not least because I will be staying at the small guesthouse run by his father.

Soldiers watching over the charso ground in the Rumbur Valley: just a few miles from the Afghanistan border, the Kalash people are under constant threat from the Taliban.
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Almost every aspect of Kalash life is at odds with the religion of the surrounding people. In a strictly Muslim region of a resolutely Muslim country, the Kalash people are polytheistic animists, with a series of deities such as the pastoral Sorizan and the ancestor Balumain. Widely considered heretics by the surrounding population, they celebrate three main festivals a year: the Joshi spring festival, the Uchau autumn festival and the Caumus winter solstice festival.

It is not just their religious beliefs that cause problems for the Kalash. In the tribal interpretation of Sharia law, women can be sentenced to death for dancing with men, yet the Kalash women are not only wearing bright clothing and unveiled faces, they are dancing wildly with unrelated males from all of the valleys. Although there are still some inequalities for women in Kalash society, they are considerably more emancipated and sexually liberated than the Muslim women in the surrounding areas.

The Kalash people also drink and are renowned for their mulberry wine, which, in reality, is more like a strong spirit. No doubt mindful of the number of Pakistani soldiers nearby, festival-goers do a fine job of keeping the elixir concealed – I don’t see any public drinking at the charso, but there are a number of flushed faces and I can smell drink on many people’s breath. Away from the charso, I am offered many shots of the potent wine.

At one point, there are loud shrieks of excitement and many of the adolescent Kalash men and women run out of the charso and down the hillside, seemingly in hot pursuit of someone or something. No one will explain the disturbance, and I can only assume that someone has been caught in the act of ‘eloping’, much to the great entertainment and intrigue of their neighbours.

The festival ends with all of the women dancing around in a massive circle, while the menfolk burn offerings of branches and even food in  a small flat area next to a giant boulder, part way up an adjacent hill. This seems to be the culmination of the ceremony, and people start  to drift away as the flames burn.

The Kalash women dance in the Rumbur Valley while the men carry out sacred rituals burning offerings.
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The Kalash are mindful about their position in Pakistan society and are always worried about accusations of encouraging apostasy – or the conversion of Muslims from their religion. Along with blasphemy, this is considered one of the greatest crimes under Islam.

At one point in the festival all of the non-Kalash are banished to the stepped area overlooking the charso. I follow them, but I am beckoned back in an animated fashion. It seems as a non-Kalash, but also a non-Muslim, I am welcome to join in this part of the ceremony. Qazi Pali Azam, the Keeper of the Secret Song, leads a ritual where sprigs of walnut branches are waved then ceremonially cast over the edge of the charso.

The next morning, I meet Yasir for breakfast in a neighbouring house. Kalash houses are single storey, without windows, and made from slabs of stone. They tend to be built into hillsides with the roof of one house forming the veranda of the next. Some are steeply stacked four or five levels high. Inside this windowless existence is, naturally, dark, although some houses have electricity from small water turbines.

There is a large square earth area with a fire in the middle of the houses, and sleeping platforms around the outside. It is a characteristic of Kalash homes that all of the pots and crockery are displayed on shelves behind the fireplace as an indication of wealth and status.

Looking down the Rumbur Valley to Grum Village. The valley is very fertile during summer, but often snowed in completely in the harsh winters.
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Over hot unleavened flat bread and sweet chai, Yasir tells me the legends of their ancestors. Traditionally, the Kalash believe they are descended from the soldiers of Alexander the Great who passed this way in the fourth century BCE. A number of wounded soldiers were left behind, and they moved into the Kalash Valleys and settled down with local women. This is how they explain their physical difference from the surrounding people, although these origins don’t stand up to current DNA testing.

After breakfast, I make my way to the second Joshi festival. As the richest and most easy to reach of the Kalash Valleys, the Joshi in Bumburet attracts a number of VIPs who are seated on a dais overlooking the event. The security detail is much larger here. We are only a short way from the Afghan border; the risk from the Taliban is high and the tension of the soldiers is palpable. I later learn there has been a specific threat and more than a thousand special forces soldiers have been moved into the valleys and further towards the border in order to protect the festival – or, at least, protect the VIPs.

The Bumburet Joshi is more crowded and frenetic than Rumbur’s. A lot of male domestic tourists are standing around the edge watching – apparently drawn by the mystique of Kalash women’s sexual liberation – and there is also a media presence.

The dancing is more frantic, too. Longer lines of women are running through the charso, linked together by gripping knotted versions of the same woven strips that I was given in welcome the previous day. They crash through the crowds, laughing hysterically and facing away from the watching males. It is as if they feel the need to exaggerate their Kalashness under the gaze of so many outsiders.

It might be the timing of my arrival at the festival, or the fact that there were so many local dignitaries and Muslim men watching, but I do not see any rituals other than dancing taking place at the Bumburet charso – whether it be the casting of the walnut leaves, the burning of offerings by the men, or even the storytelling in the middle of the charso.

Back at the guesthouse in Rumbur Valley that evening, I am given bad news. Now that the festival is over, our security detail is shipping out. My chance of staying an extra night with the Kalash and a leisurely day exploring the area is no longer possible. The guards are anxious to be off before dark and I have to go with them. I say a hurried goodbye to Yasir, and reluctantly get into one of the jeeps. My time in this unique part of the world is over, and I am conscious that the Kalash people will once again be without any security from nearby Afghanistan until the next load of tourists and VIPs stray into their valleys.

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Archives: Feature Articles

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Trekking the Kokoda Track

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After Dark Taipei

Dancing in Hidden Valleys